89-Year-Old Bernie Ecclestone Still Fucks, Fourth Child Due This Summer

Illustration for article titled 89-Year-Old Bernie Ecclestone Still Fucks, Fourth Child Due This Summer
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Former Formula One boss and billionaire ghoul of note Bernie Ecclestone has confirmed that his 44-year-old wife of 8 years Fabiana Flosi is with child. This will be Ecclestone’s first child with his third wife. His eldest, Deborah (65), was born to his first wife Ivy Bamford before having two further daughters with his second wife Slavica Radic, Tamara (35), and Petra (31).

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“Yes, it is due in the summer,” Mr Ecclestone told Swiss newspaper Blick. “Hopefully he’ll learn to play backgammon soon!”

I didn’t really expect 2020 to be the year that we learn both Bernie Ecclestone and his on-screen look-a-like Sheev Palpatine still fuck, but here we are. “After my Formula 1 time,” Ecclestone added, “we’ve had plenty of time to practice!” There isn’t a single brain cell in my skull that was ready for this admission, but good for him, I suppose.

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Born in 1930, when Bugatti was still a dominant force in Grand Prix racing, Ecclestone effectively seized control of F1 in 1974 by negotiating the sale of the television rights of the sport. Of course, he didn’t own these rights, but paid himself 23% of the sale regardless. He retained control of the sport through its $8 billion sale to Liberty Media in 2016.

The cranky gargoyle who says only the smartest things did many good things for F1, including bringing it to the global masses and raising its profile internationally, was also a chaotic force of evil at times.

I wish the lovely couple nothing but the best in their new child-having lives. Hopefully the help raises the kid well.

I’m glad to know the guy who looks like a member of the Beatles before they got famous still gets his dick wet. Congratulations to Fabiana and her near-nonagenarian husband, resting-bitch-face Andy Warhol.

Jalopnik contributor with a love for everything sketchy and eclectic.

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