Vote 2020 graphic
Everything you need to know about and expect during
the most important election of our lifetimes

25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World

Top Gear's Jeremy Clarkson is everyone's favorite unapologetically egotistical car critic. Rarely does one of his reviews emerge without containing something eminently quotable. Here are 25 of his best and most obnoxious emissions, courtesy of Ridelust.

Advertisement

Click through the gallery to see what the king of obtuse metaphors and bombastic
overstatement has to say about the item in each image. Or, because we don't want to be a bunch of pageview whores, click here to see the whole list on one page.

Advertisement
Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World


"I'd like to consider Ferrari as a scaled down version of God."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World

On the Porsche Boxster: "It couldn't pull a greased stick out of a pig's bottom."

Image credit: Such a Charlatan

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

When driving the Mercedes SLR McLaren through a tunnel: "When they debate as to what the sound of the SLR engine was akin to, the British engineers from McLaren said it sounded like a Spitfire. But the German engineers from Mercedes said ‘Nein! Nein! Sounds like a Messerschmitt!' They were both wrong. It sounds like the God of Thunder gargling with nails."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"I'm sorry, but having an Aston Martin DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."

Photo credit: Dave Hogan/Getty Images

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary… that's what gets you."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... being stabbed?"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On Detroit: "God may have created the world in six days, but while he was resting on the seventh, Beelzebub popped up and did this place."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Owning a TVR in the past was like owning a bear. I mean it was great, until it pulled your head off, which it would."

Photo Credit: EvilSushi

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On the Renault Clio V6: "I think the problem is that it's French. It's a surrendermonkey."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On the Enzo Ferrari: "I rang up Jay Kay, who's got one, and said: 'Can we borrow yours?' and he said, 'Yeah, if I can borrow your daughter, because it amounts to the same thing.'"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On the Porsche Cayenne: "I've seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"The air-conditioning in Lamborghinis used to be an asthmatic sitting in the dashboard blowing at you through a straw."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Whenever I'm suffering from insomnia, I just look at a picture of a Toyota Camry and I'm straight off."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"If you were to buy a 6-series, I recommend you select reverse when leaving friends' houses so they don't see its backside."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"That Zonda, really! It's like a lion in orange dungarees. Kind of fierce, but ridiculous all at the same time."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement


On the Chrysler 300C: "The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off!"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On the Alfa Romeo Brera: "Think of it as Angelina Jolie. You've heard she's mad and eats nothing but wallpaper paste. But you would, wouldn't you?"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"A turbo: Exhaust gasses go into the turbocharger and spin it, witchcraft happens, and you go faster."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"This is a Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying ‘Oh good, I've got syphilis, the best of the sexually transmitted diseases!'"

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled — usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?"

Photo Credit: Chemsford

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

On the Mercedes CLS55 AMG: "It sounds like Barry White eating wasps."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"I'd rather go to work on my hands and knees than drive there in a Ford Galaxy. Whoever designed the Ford Galaxy upholstery had a cauliflower fixation. I would rather have a vasectomy than buy a Ford Galaxy."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Usually, a Range Rover would be beaten away from the lights by a diesel powered wheelbarrow."

Illustration for article titled 25 Of The Funniest Jeremy Clarkson Quips... In The World
Advertisement

"Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face."

[Ridelust]

Share This Story

Get our newsletter

DISCUSSION

porsche9146
Fred Smith

missing the quote about him wishing death upon himself while driving an insight