Mitsubishi Pajero, Lotus Exige, Lifted Smart ForTwo: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Baja bugs: You know ’em, you love ’em, you love to see ’em rolled over onto their rooves. Well, my friend, I present to you an interesting option: A Baja Bug you can almost roll without consequence.

See, this particular Bug includes a slew of extra parts — not just mechanical bits, but fiberglass parts. To replace the ones you damage when you roll it over. Just maybe avoid hurting the roof too bad, the seller doesn’t seem to have another one of those in their inventory.

We’ve all heard of barn finds, but what about the next level? This XJ6 has apparently been sitting under a barn for at least two decades, making it even more appealing than your standard barn find. Appeal is measured by distance from the Earth’s core, for context.

The seller claims “all parts are intact,” which honestly seems like a bold claim given the car’s state. You’re telling me the brake hoses are intact? The interior? I guess the only way to know for sure is to hose it off and test drive it.

Consider this: A Mitsubishi Pajero Evo, but without quite all the Evo bits. You still get most of the looks and most of the performance, but those last few percentage points of Evo-dom will remain forever out of reach.

Is that such a bad thing, though? This ZR-S has a reasonable hood, reasonable fender flares, it’s an entirely reasonable daily driver — unobtrusive in a way a Pajero Evo simply can’t be.

It’s really wild to see car listings from areas you frequented as a kid, where you can pick out landmarks in the background like that Leonardo DiCaprio meme. That’s what I spent my time with this 2.5RS ad doing — looking at the Best Buy and recognizing the parking lot it shared with the Loews and the Lowe’s.

I can say, from this GC8's location, that it’s near plenty of hubs for Subaru tuning and enthusiasm. Add in the OEM-stele wheels and the tasteful spoiler, and this 2.5RS looks ready for Colin McRae. Though he might find it slow

Do you want a car that’s Stately? That’s got presence, that looks like someone Important is behind the wheel — even when it’s just little ol’ you? Well, my friend, look no further than a 1960s Mercedes.

This 190D has the slightest bit of rust along the bottom of the passenger side — the doors and the fenders — but somehow that’s not mirrored for the driver. I’m extremely curious as to how a car half-rusts, so if any of you want to pick up this Mercedes and do some forensic analysis I’m all ears.

Often, the most expensive cars are the worst looking. There’s just no correlation between money and taste, and in fact the two seem to often be in conflict. This Exige, however, might come from the one rich person who likes things that are good.

The yellow exterior is already ideal for a Lotus, but this Exige goes further than that. There’s the factory track pack, the upgraded — yet still quiet — exhaust, the harnesses and coilovers and engine mounts and brakes. It even has an ACT clutch, which I’ve loved driving for years. This might be the perfect Lotus.

Two doors, four cylinders, one diesel motor: It’s the recipe for a fantastic off-roader. Take the formula and apply it to a Land Cruiser, though, and things go from good to absolutely fantastic. Just look at this thing.

It’s my long-held opinion that the 70 series doesn’t get nearly enough appreciation for its styling. Everyone wants the FJ40, sure, but look at what those folks are missing out on! The square shape, the big fender flares, the 70 series is gorgeous.

I know that the modern-retro motorcycle craze is over, for every part of the world except Williamsburg, but maybe we moved on too soon. Look at how clean the lines are on this old CB, you’re telling me that’s old hat now? That it’s boring?

Before you go calling this a cafe bike, there’s actually a more specific term: This CB is a brat. Brat Summer might be winding down, but do you really want to let it end without you owning and riding a brat bike? I thought not.

I love the livery on this CRX so much. The seller claims it was set up for Lemons or Chump racing, but never actually hit the track, and I fully believe it from the way this car is set up — those bright primary colors, that would be so at home on an early -aughts NASCAR, are done up in poorly-masked spray paint.

This hits all the proper points for me. Nostalgic colors applied to a lightweight Honda via the cheapest method of application possible — this is how race cars should be. Slap it together, throw some paint on, and take it racing. Anything more is pageantry.

You don’t see two-door Cherokees from this period often enough, and that’s a damn shame. These proportions seem like they want to be a four-door, and I’m so glad they aren’t — that long rear end somehow ends up feeling sporty behind those two front doors.

The real selling point for this Cherokee, however, is inside. The interior is blue! Dash, seats, even the steering column — it’s all bright, pale, blue. It’s easy for an interior like this to come off as trying too hard, but the Chief’s is just effortlessly cool.

I was having a conversation the other day, talking about which Corvettes are actually good and which are just for the oldest, richest man you’ve ever seen to use to toddle along to the local car show, where he’ll set up with a massive sign detailing every factory option on his car and why their combination is so rare. I hate that latter man. Luckily, this C5 is in the former category.

The C5 is just such a sleek shape, and the ground effects on this particular car actually help show that off rather than messing with the proportions. The interior, though, remains a travesty — the “custom” seats do not help. Swap them out for Brides, though, and you’d have a stew going.

The Fiat 124 Spider Abarth is one of my favorite cars in recent years. It’s a Miata — a car we all know and adore — done up in better styling and with a factory turbocharger. That little Abarth engine is a fun one, and here it is in a fantastic chassis. What’s not to like?

The one issue I’ve had with the 124 Spider is the redline. It’s just too low, especially when compared to the ND’s naturally-aspirated mill, to feel like you can truly wring the car out — it just hits a wall right as things are getting good. I’m sure a tune could fix that, though, and leave you with a near-perfect car.

Now we’re talking, baby. I promised you weird, and I don’t back down from my promises: A Smart with a four-inch lift, adjustable suspension (but only in the front), and two-wheel drive. It makes no sense. I love him.

The wheels just stick out so far from the body in every possible dimension — both out and down — and the bumpers have been cut away to leave them enough space to operate. Can you actually go off-roading in this car, without four-wheel drive? I guess there’s only one way to find out.

I’m an unabashed fan of “Lone Rider,” the story of Elspeth Beard’s two-wheeled planetary circumnavigation, and I’m always on the lookout for bikes like hers: A 1974 BMW R60/6. This R60 may be a touch more modern, but at its core it’s the same motorcycle that took Beard through North America, Australia, India, and Europe.

Can you imagine living off this bike for that duration? Having it as your only constant companion, your only means of transit and your only home? To hell with a GS, this is all you need for a real adventure.

I’m not sure if this was a factory color on the F250, but I am sure that it’s the best color I’ve ever seen on these trucks. Is it orange? Red? Pink? It’s a bit of all three, and it just plays off those body lines so well.

The early ‘90s were really the end for truly boxy trucks, before things got sleek in the late ‘90s and ‘00s before becoming modern hyper-aggressive uber-masculine assemblages of sharp lines and disappointed brows. We need to go back.