These Are The Unbreakable Rules Of Driving

If a friend gives you a ride and doesn’t want you eating in their car, you don’t eat in their car. Sorry. If the driver asks you to help with directions, you’re their navigator now. If they need something out of the back, just help them out. That said, a road trip absolutely isn’t the time to assert your dominance over friends and family members. Unless everyone agrees ahead of time, don’t be that person who makes extreme demands just because you can.

Other drivers are going to do things that annoy you. They’re going to make mistakes. Sometimes they might even do something reckless or stupid. Go ahead and honk at them, sure, but you’re never going to make the situation any better by escalating from there. Really? You want to fight someone in the middle of traffic? Grow up. Also, this is America, so they might have a gun. Don’t mess with people who might have guns.

If you’re on private property, you can do pretty much whatever you want. Want to get drunk and try to jump your dirtbike across the creek without a helmet? That’s dumb, but on private property, no one’s going to stop you. On public roads, though, you have to think about other people. It’s just part of living in a society. It isn’t the end of the world to do 70 mph in a 65 mph zone, but how about we don’t drive 71 in a 35? Deal?

There are plenty of reasons to argue against cities providing street parking, especially if it’s free, instead of building parking garages and providing good public transportation. For now, though, it’s just a fact of life that if you’re driving through an urban area, there’s a chance the car in front of you is going to slow down to parallel park. It’s OK! Just let them park. You’ll be fine. All honking at them is going to do is make them even more nervous. And for what? So you can express your frustration at someone else for performing a very normal action?

There are certain sections on some two-lane roads where you’re allowed to pass slower drivers. We’re not talking about that. We’re talking about risking a crash trying to get around a parallel parker. Pulling into a parking lot super wide to the left so people trying to leave have to wait for you to move or get out of your way. Straightening out the curve on a mountain road. All it takes is one mistake, and you’re looking at a potential trip to the hospital.

Sure, you’re in a hurry, but constantly changing lanes in an attempt to drive faster than traffic rarely saves you much time and could just as easily make you late. Not only do you risk being pulled over by a cop and given a ticket, which takes forever, but you could also cause a crash, which takes forever and can cost a ton of money. This goes double if all you ultimately end up doing is passing a single person in the HOV lane who was just giving the car in front of them a little space.

You are the driver. Even if you gave Tesla $15,000 for its so-called “Full Self-Driving” software, you are still the driver. Your car weighs thousands of pounds. It’s your responsibility to avoid hitting people with your car. Yes, even if someone jaywalks wearing all black in the middle of a storm late at night. Don’t hit people with your car. If that means driving more slowly, then so be it. If that feels like too much responsibility, maybe you shouldn’t be driving.

There are always going to be exceptions, but let’s be real here. The people who complain the loudest about how unfair it was that they got a parking ticket are usually the people who deserve it the most. Oh, you just popped in for a minute? Would you like to show me on the parking meter where it says the first five minutes are free? No? Because you knew you were risking a ticket when you decided not to pay? OK then. Shut up and pay it.

You would think this wouldn’t need to be said, but come on. Don’t block other people’s driveways, and definitely don’t park in them. Even if you can’t find anywhere else to park, it’s game day, and you desperately need to find a place to park. Just don’t do it. The same goes for blocking other people’s garage, especially if it’s because your Land Rover is too big for your LA garage and you decide to block your handsome, charming, incredibly witty neighbor’s garage by parking in front of it, Stephanie.

Thankfully, automatic headlights make this a non-issue in most new cars (unless for some reason your lights are set to off), but there are still plenty of cars on the road that have manual headlights. Throw in how common daytime running lights are, and the other driver might not even know their headlights aren’t fully on. Oprah might have convinced you that flashing your headlights at an oncoming driver will get you murder-killed by gang criminals, but that’s a myth. Be a decent person, if only because the cops don’t need any more money.

Compared to other developed countries, the U.S. is a uniquely dangerous place to drive — or not drive if we’re being honest. France, Germany and the UK all have cell phones, too, but Americans appear to be particularly committed to using their phones while driving. It’s illegal because it’s dangerous, and if you really need to check that Facebook message the moment it comes in, just pull over to check it. Let’s be real, though. It can wait.

You can be the safest driver in the world, but even that isn’t enough to keep you safe on the road. At any given point, someone could change lanes into you, rear-end you at a traffic light, or t-bone you as you drive through an intersection. Heck, depending on where you’re driving, you could hit a giant patch of black ice and spin out. New cars are a lot safer than old cars, but they can only do so much if you aren’t wearing a seatbelt. Make sure you wear your own seatbelt, but also make everyone else buckles up, too.

The joke about BMWs not having turn signals has been beaten to death, and these days, it feels like Tesla owners are the ones who fill that role now, but it doesn’t really matter. Even if you drive a Nissan Maxima, you still need to use your turn signals. They let other people know what you’re planning to do. “I’ll just do what I want, and other people can deal with it,” is just as reckless as it is stupid. Also, is it really that hard to hit your turn signal? Really?

Truckers are the backbone of this country and the key to moving goods long distances. They’re also responsible for operating massive trucks carrying tens of thousands of pounds of cargo to their final destination safely. Because of that, it’s important to give them plenty of space. Not only can cutting them off or tailgating lead to wrecks that get people seriously injured or killed, but when a truck crashes, it tends to cause massive delays for other drivers who are stuck dealing with the mess you created. Don’t be that asshole.

We get it. You have excellent taste in music and want everyone else to know it, especially with that new sound system you bought out of a van at Walmart. Unfortunately for you, no one cares, and we all think you’re an asshole. Especially if you pull into an apartment complex after midnight to pick up your friend. Everybody else just wants to sleep, and something tells us you probably wouldn’t like it if one of us showed up outside your house in the middle of the night blasting our own music. Just be respectful of the people around you. It really isn’t that hard.

If you have to drive, stay sober, and definitely don’t drink while you’re driving. Even if you’re in New Orleans, just don’t. Then again, while drunk driving is a huge problem, high driving has also become a much bigger concern in recent years. And for whatever reason, far too many people seem to think there’s nothing wrong with driving while high. It’s still illegal, makes you a danger to others, and if the cops catch you, that’s your own damn fault.