Toyota MR2, Volkswagen-Engine Trike, Chevy Malibu Stock Car: The Dopest Cars I Found For Sale Online

Now, hang on, I know what you’re thinking. “Hey Amber, this is a first-generation MR2 for $16,500. Are you sure you wrote that right? Did you have some kind of Disco Elysium situation at that race track that made you forget how money works?”

First off, I would never have a Disco Elysium situation at a race track — never drink and ride, kids. Secondly, look at the undercarriage of this MR2 and tell me it isn’t worth a few bucks more than your average midship runabout. This car is clean, and that’s before you get into the rebuilt engine and replaced transmission that the seller claims. You pay more than a typical Mister Two, sure, but you get more. With a supercharger on top.

I was one of few riders at that track event who brought a bike with them, but one other track day student had showed up with one of these: An Indian FTR. These bikes are smaller in person than you’d think, and looked like an absolute blast to rip around on for two days.

That FTR I saw at the track was a fancy carbon model, but this 1200 S offers much of the same looks and performance for a cheaper price tag. Just, swap out those mirrors once you pick it up — they don’t look like you’d see anything in them.

Something very interesting is happening to the first-generation Miata market right now. It’s not massive, and it’s not universal, but prices seem to be trickling every so slowly downward. There was a time when a rust-free NA like this would’ve commanded $10,000, perhaps even $12,000 on Facebook Marketplace. Now, here this one sits at just $7,500.

Now, that’s not to say prices are back to any sort of reason. In a just world this would be a $4,500 car, but we haven’t lived in a just world for some time now. At this point, we take what we can get.

Hot take: I love it when an IS300 looks like absolute dogshit. This particular example is a little too clean for my tastes, but some of the hallmarks are there: The ground effects, the oversized purple wheels, the hood, the window tint. It’s in its chrysalis state, ready to become something new.

You need to buy this Lexus and immediately drive it into the first Jersey barrier you see. Preferably sideways, at high speed, but that part honestly doesn’t matter much. Once you make it so none of the panel gaps are parallel, hit the whole thing with a rattle can (a gloss one, though, with a good clear coat) and slap another body kit on it. In that order. Make it worse, and it’ll be so good.

The Fiesta ST is a joyous little jelly bean of a motor vehicle. This is known. The part that seems to have escaped folks’ grasp is that it’s meant to be a fun vehicle — not something done up in drab gray.

If Ford had exclusively sold the Fiesta in bright colors, I think it would have done better. Don’t let dealers order anything white, black, or gray; only allow shades of pastel and neon. If the company had just taken that sales tactic, we’d all be driving Fiesta STs right now. It would be like World War II, converting civilian factories towards the war effort, except all to make more Fiestas. What a wonderful world.

Old trucks, too, look better when they’re worse. I have no adequate explanation for the paint situation on this F-150, other than to say that some real decisions were made. The truck appears to have originally been tan, then rattlecanned over in green, but why not follow the body lines? Why color match the inside of the bed but not the outside of the tailgate?

These are the kinds of questions that haunt philosophers. They haunt me, and I’m just a person who watches Philosophy Tube sometimes. In my dreams tonight, Abigail Thorn will be painting this car, and maybe she’ll be able to explain what the decision-making process here was.

Something is up with this 944. I’m not entirely sure what it is — the misaligned hood, the seats, the off-color rear bumper — but something in it appeals to me. It’s a little bit wrong, in a lot of small ways, and that makes me somehow like it more than a standard 944.

Objectively, the car could have some crash damage that was fixed poorly. Subjectively, though, it’s a car with a story — something happened to it to make it the way it is today, and that’s what really gets me. That, and those fantastic wheels.

When I first pulled up this GT-R listing, I thought to myself, “Hang on. That’s not the right shade of gray. Was this a weird respray?” After reading the description, though, it turns out that this gray paint isn’t paint at all — it’s a wrap.

I, apparently, missed the fanfare that occurred when wrap manufacturers started churning out materials that look this much like a factory paint job. The gloss, the depth, if this were a darker shade of gray I could well think it was the original finish. The effect may not hold up as well in person, where the eye starts to notice the absence of metal flake, but that just gets you the Nardo Gray look that everyone is so hot for right now. I’m impressed.

Here are some facts about this Volkswagen-rear, Yamaha-front trike: It “has a VW body kit,” the engine is 1600 CCs, the transmission has three speeds plus reverse, the tires are new, and it doesn’t have a throttle cable. These are the facts of the matter.

These facts leave us, the jury, with a number of questions. These questions forms like “Hey what?” or “Seriously what is going on here.” I have a million questions and I want absolutely none of them answered. Ten out of ten.

See, Fiesta ST seller from earlier in the slides? This is a proper color for a fun, eager sport compact. You see how, even on this gray day, the Cobalt feels like a ray of sunshine ready to brighten the faces of every person who sees it? That’s how the Fiesta ST should be.

As for the rest of this Cobalt, it borrows from a later yellow performance Chevy in that there’s more here than meets the eye: An upgraded supercharger, a smaller puppy, BC coils and an installed-but-not-in-use meth injection kit. Basically, it’s a perfect fit for The Fast And The Furious’s somehow-never-canonically-renamed Race Wars.

If your performance Chevy tastes skew more traditional, however, there’s an option for you too. Not too traditional, mind you — a third-generation Camaro with yellow headlights isn’t exactly a split-window ‘Vette — but it’s got the Camaro name on the floor mats and that’s what counts.

Well, that and the crate 350 under the hood. Not every third-generation Camaro would beat that Cobalt in a head to head situation, but this one seems like a strong contender.

I still remember the first time I ever saw an R8 in real life. It was an all-black model, sleek and low and smooth, parked outside my school like a transplant from some space future.

I shot nearly an entire roll of black and white film of the car, only to discover that I hadn’t actually loaded the film properly and none of the exposures worked. In my defense, I’d never loaded film before.

Here’s an engine you don’t see much any more: A 175 cc twin-cylinder. Modern motorcycles are constantly downsizing their engines, swapping fours for twins and twins for singles, but back in the day none of that mattered. Sure, a twin cost more and weighed more, but why not just throw it in there? Make something nice?

This CB175 sounds like a father-son project that’s reached a point where neither father nor son wants to delve too too closely into the remaining issues. Sure, there’s the story in the ad copy about the son going off to college, but it’s May — there’s a whole riding season before school starts. Instead, I’m more apt to blame those compression issues mentioned in the left cylinder, but those could be as simple as a valve sealing issue. Only one way to find out.

I’ve long been a sucker for the design of the Volkswagen Corrado Soprano. It’s like a discount Giugiaro, all hard lines and flat surfaces with just enough curvature to stop it from looking like someone’s first CAD project before they find the Bevel Edges button. Not that I’d know anything about that.

The seller claims that most of this Corrado is in good shape, but the brakes could use some work. Parts are apparently included, but not mounted to the car — another win for the hatchback design. You could almost fit a Scirocco back there.

I know we’ve already had two tiers of performance Chevy in Dopest today, but I just hate to leave a trilogy unfinished. We started with four supercharged cylinders in a slept-on tuner car, then moved up to a crate 350 in a less-loved Camaro. From there, there’s only one place to go: The Corvette A Malibu that’s been caged and 350-swapped. The next logical step.

The seller claims this is a “street legal stock car,” but doesn’t clarify whether this ever actually raced in stock car classes. “Street legal” may depend on your jurisdiction as well — the headlights are sheet metal, but there are some LEDs tucked into the grille that might pass muster in a state without inspections. I, a New Yorker, likely need not apply.