Let's Force an AI to Design Us Some Cars

We’re going to start out with an easy one. Something simple to get those neural nets all warmed up. How about a nice, plain Mazda Miata? Yeah, that’ll do.

DALL-E seems to recognize the concept of a Miata, but has some trouble differentiating between generations. That leaves us with things like the NB/ND Alliance found dead center and center-right of the grid. They’re neat, in an avant-garde kind of way.

Okay, let’s crank things up a level here. The P1800ES is older than the Miata, rarer, and out of production — it could be much harder for DALL-E to even source images to work from. Plus, we’re specifying a specific body style of the P1800. With the Miata, there was only one to pick from.

Some of these, admittedly, are not Volvos. They are Aston Martins, or maybe Astons Martin. That’s fine, an Aston Martin is a good car, but it’s not really what we were going for here. Maybe we can fix things by getting even more specific.

Maybe adding an absurd level of specificity will force DALL-E to pull from a different set of images, make it more careful in its selections. If we can eliminate all but the most relevant pictures that have been fed into the bot, we should get a more accurate result out the other end.

This one may have gotten a little in the weeds on engines, but look at that center photo! Sure, it’s a 2JZ and not an RB, but it figured out the era and layout of Japanese holy grail engines we were looking for. That center-right photo, too, is clearly in a Datsun Z body — even if the engine itself looks like some sort of mid-century transverse American V6.

What if we try something that’s bound to have tons of source images to work from? Say, a very popular truck, and a style of modification that lends itself well to Instagram? Surely that’ll get us a lot of source images to work from. Plus, given how similar many overland builds are (wow, you put a rooftop tent and recovery racks on your Taco?) there likely won’t be much room for things to go wrong.

Okay, now the AI gets it. Look at these! Any of these could be a real Instagram photo, shot through the world’s worst filter, and I would still give it a like as it scrolls by on my feed. Good on you, DALL-E.

Okay, this one’s just for fun. How will DALL-E reconcile a 2D character within a 3D space? Will it make the car flat, and draw it from the side, or will we get a cartoon sitting with a photorealistic version of the best-looking Mustang?

As it turns out, neither! First off, none of these are New Edge Mustangs. Most of them are the current S550 generation, though some seem like a halfway mark between the S550 and the earlier S195. None of them contain Trogdor. Disappointing, DALL-E.

Khyzyl Saleem is an incredible automotive designer, responsible for some of the most out-there looks ever to sit on four wheels. He also has a fairly distinctive style, combining wide bodies with slammed suspensions, track-day aero, neon lighting, and lots of vents and intakes. How will DALL-E apply that aesthetic to the humble 944?

DALL-E took a long time to ponder on this one, but it was worth every second. not only did it nail the widebody style and reflections, even the angles of the photos look like one of Khyzyl’s renders. I swear I’ve seen that barcode-looking license plate before on a particularly cyberpunk Khyzyl design, though I can’t quite recall which one.

What if we just get wild with it? What would one of my go-to Blogging Songs look like, if it were to be transmuted into automotive form through the power of artificial intelligence?

It, uh, looks like Trent Reznor. Now don’t get me wrong, I think Reznor is a man of many talents, but I think it would be a stretch to call him a car. Maybe if he was giving you a piggyback ride? I could see that argument.

What if we just lay out design constraints? That’s what real automotive design shops work from, and they always seem to come up with things that are recognizably motor vehicles by the end of their process. Maybe DALL-E can do the same.

Well there you have it: The ideal city car is an open-wheel Fiat Multipla taxi. Honestly, if some “new mobility” company showed up to the New York Auto Show with that car from the top-right image, I wouldn’t bat an eye.

From Le Mans to the King of the Hammers, why can’t one car do it all? Maybe the problem doesn’t come from the inherently contradictory demands placed on things like center of gravity, suspension travel and geometry, or engine layout. Maybe the problem is just that no one asked a computer how to make the Perfect Car.

So, DALL-E seems to have really focused in on road racing here. The designs are a mix of F1, IndyCar, and prototype racers, with just a bit of NASCAR hiding in there. I would watch this race series, honestly.

When designing a car, there’s something very important to keep in mind: Does it look like a friend? If not, it’s barely even worth designing. Cars should be friends, trustworthy pals through this ever-changing world in which we live in.

DALL-E seems to think “friend” means “made out of clay that is also watercolors, and also is horrifying.” Perfect, no notes, I will never sleep again.

I’m selling my Miata, and while I have a good idea of where to go next, I haven’t chosen a specific next car. Maybe DALL-E can help me sort through the used car market, and pick out a next vehicle to ferry me off to track days.

A surprising number of these seem perfectly track-ready. Lamborghinis in the top-left and top-center, some sort of horribly crashed Prowler in the top-right. Center-right even marries my favorite car, the Datsun Z, with the headlights of the Integras I’ve been looking at. Bottom-left gives me some sort of 458, and the bottom-right is clearly an EV1. I’d take any of the bunch.

The Jalopnik writers and editors, as a unit, have no single car that unites us. There’s no single car that we each own, and no staff vehicle that we all get a timeshare of. Beyond the core idea of a brown diesel manual Miata wagon, there’s no official Jalopnik car — that is, until now.

Porsche Beetles! A Maseraguar! Some sort of wheel-less white box with a tail light! A Ford coupe! A Toyota Century with G-Wagen headlights! A Plymouth Prowler golf cart! Take your pick of any of these, and store it in your mind’s eye forever. It’s our official car now.