Yesterday, we asked you for the coolest car collectors in the world. Not the coolest car collections, or the biggest car collections, or which guy made you laugh one time 27 years ago. I, perhaps naively believing that we had all taught you over the years what implicitly was Cool and what was emphatically Not Cool, thought that you could pull this off.
Instead, for our Answers of the Day, we got this. Not only was it entirely composed of white men, nine out of ten entries on that list are the Oldest of white men. Not that there’s anything wrong with white people, or men, or the Olds, but when you’ve asked for a list of cool car collectors and what you get in return looks less diverse than the upcoming Republican presidential debates, you’ve got a problem.
Seriously, except for CJ Wilson (who is demonstrably cool), everyone on that list is over the age of 50. (Even Patrick Dempsey and Magnus Walker, who though may technically be ages 49 and 48, respectively, are so close to 50 I’m counting them as 65 for our purposes.)
The number one person on that list, Jay Leno, is nowadays known for matching his gray hair with a consistent uniform of two-thirds of a Canadian Tuxedo. And while he does have a cool collection, and he does cool things from time to time, those two things a “cool car collector” doesn’t make.
Which goes for everyone on our Answers of the Day list who isn’t also a professional athlete. They’ve all got great collections. Many of them are nice, friendly, wonderful, down-to-earth people. One of them has even gone to the undeniably epically cool length of starting their own automotive manufacturing outfit to stick fingers in the eyes of Ferrari.
But cool car collectors, as a whole? We’ve got to do better than that, as what is cool defines the direction of where our culture is headed.
And no, I’m not saying, by putting this much, much better list together, that I am cool. I am, actually absolutely not cool. But much in the same way being absolutely not tall doesn’t mean I can’t identify those who have received the gift of height, I, too, can tell you who is undeniably, demonstrably cool.
So here’s your list. Uncool cretins.
1) Frank Ocean
We’ve already documented the many various ways that R&B superstar Frank Ocean has a cool car collection, from his totally rebuilt right-hand drive BMW E30, to his old-school Lincoln Town Car. But what makes him an undeniably cool car collector is that he wrote a song called “Acura Integurl,” and in an extended version reveals that he dedicated the song to his 1991 NSX.
Also, he’s someone who can appreciate a Porsche 935. Knowledge and appreciation are cool things.
2) Action Bronson
Not only was Action Bronson’s second EP named Saaab Stories, the lead track on his major-label debut Mr. Wonderful is titled “Brand New Car.” But his appreciation of the automobile isn’t limited to the music he creates, as he backs it up in the garage. A little while back, he gave an interview to ACCLAIM magazine, where he detailed his immaculately cool nascent mobile curation:
“My dream car that I’ve finally purchased is a 1996 BMW 850, that is my baby. I also got a 5-Series wagon and a 635CSI from ‘87.
While a cool collection does tends to have a bit more diversity in it that one single marque, Bronson’s only just put out his first big album, so we’ll give him a pass. And even if it only comprises BMW, every single BMW he does own is fantastic. As a trio, they approach greatness.
And even if you don’t find his music to be all that great, he’s a fat rapping Albanian-Jewish chef from Queens. Doesn’t get cooler than that.
3) Amber Arbucci
You may not have heard of Amber Arbucci, but that is because you are Not Cool. (Don’t worry, as I’ve already said, I am Not Cool, too. But it’s okay, we’ll get through it together.) Ms. Arbucci is a wildlife photographer and Victoria’s Secret model, and like Bronson, while she may not have the biggest car collection, it’s what’s in it that counts. And she’s got a Fiat 500 (okay, alright, I guess), but also a matte green 1972 Ford Bronco and a Yamaha R6 motorcycle, as she told Ride Apart about a little while back. The combination of an old Bronco and a sport bike are definitely, definitely, a very cool two-vehicle collection. Also, a Fiat.
And filling your ‘72 Bronco with some work friends and blasting through the desert, as Arbucci showed herself doing in this photo from her Instagram account, is pretty damn cool. But I’ll be honest, it’s not nearly as cool as having the completely reckless disregard for your modeling job as riding a motorcycle, which will definitely screw up your body in some way when you inevitably crash, as every single motorcycle rider in the world will attest to.
Good on you, Amber.
4) Missy Elliott
We, America, had collectively written off Missy Elliott. We forgot about her for a few years, while she went off and did her own thing. That, my friends, was wrong. Because Missy Elliott is incredibly cool, as she proved herself to be the Main Cool Event at this year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show, itself technically a repository for the deeply uncool of our performing society.
But while Missy Elliott may be cool, as a person, is she a cool car collector? Missy Elliott bought so many cars her own mother had to ask her to stop. But it’s not just about having vehicles, it’s also about what you do with them. And Missy Elliott does exactly what you would do with them:
I bought a scooter, hooked it up with rims, got it painted - and I don’t even know how to ride. I spent like $5,600, tried riding it in a parking lot, crashed and never picked it up again.
That. Is. Fantastic. And if you had $5,600 in spare change lying around, you’d throw silly rims on a scooter, crash it once, and never pick it up again, too.
That’s cool.
5) Amy MacDonald
If you don’t know who Amy MacDonald is, or why she’s cool, or if she’s got a cool car collection, just watch the Top Gear interview above. She’s not only had a Ferrari 458 and pretty much every iteration of the Audi R8 (from the base model to the lighter, faster, stronger R8 GT), she also has the best (THE BEST) accent in the world.
Amy MacDonald is an extremely cool car collector.
So now you know, and next time we ask you all who the coolest car collectors in the world are, we’ll know you can now do better.
If you have anyone else that you think is actually a Cool Car Collector, drop them in the comments below.
Contact the author at ballaban@jalopnik.com.
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