You would think that, upon amassing millions up millions of dollars from an empire of clogged arteries, you'd amass a car collection of taste, of style, of interest. Not Guy Fieri. Guy Fieri, Food Network star and infamous creator of the mysterious "donkey sauce," has created an automotive equivalent of donkey sauce in his garage.
(Full disclosure: I once went to Guy Fieri's American Kitchen & Bar near Times Square, because I was young and stupid and I wanted to visit Flavortown. It remains, to this day, the only restaurant I have ever vomited in before leaving.
Seriously.
Started puking before I got to dessert.)
Featured in the latest issue of Food Network Magazine, the #1 magazine for people who can't stand Simply Ming, Guy's collection spans the gamut from one black car to everything else in yellow you would see in your neighbor's driveway, you know which neighbor I'm talking about, the one who seems to have all the money in the world, even owns a Lamborghini, yet still holds firm to the belief that the 1978 DeTamaso Pantera was the fastest car ever built.
In true Guy Fieri fashion, things that sound nice on paper have been completely ruined by slatherings. Take this Shelby Cobra, a gift from Carroll Shelby himself:
It now has a fish on it.
Or this jeep. It started off with a yellow base, yet purple and red flames were added to match either a McDonald's Happy Meal or Guy's hair/skin combo (yellow for the hair, purple and red for the color his face has permanently turned from the impending heart attack):
There's also a yellow Corvette with chrome wheels, because of course there is, a yellow Chevelle with chrome wheels, because of course there is, another yellow Corvette with chrome wheels, because of course there is, a yellow Chevrolet Kodiak that Fieri has given the nickname of "Full Bore," because of course he has, and a yellow Camaro with black and chrome wheels, because of course there is.
Guy Fieri's car collection is the Guy Fieri of car collections.