There's never been an appreciable audience for online video reviews of appliance cars. That hasn't stopped AutoTrader from making dozens of drowsy vids spiked with enough hot actresses and models to fill a Hummer limo. Because when the cars are boring, people will still check out the pretty faces, right? Right? Here's a look at the girls of AutoTrader.
This gallery features the spokesmodels of AutoTrader at their most attractive, which by definition means photos of them outside of working for AutoTrader. The videos themselves work only as a social science experiment: If you put a hot model in a beige car, does the car get hotter or the model get beige-er? Or, does the car just catch the reflection of their fake tans? The results are sadly uninspiring; not even a Porsche or two can spare a starlet forced to read the leaden copy of a too-earnest used-car listing site.
Rebecca Grant
The newest addition to the AutoTrader model stables is this rising star of FHM and sports modeling, who toned things down several notches to tell the world about the great features of the Hyundai Elantra. But she did later provide her Twitter followers with this insight: "Autotrader paid me an absurd amount for this new car review."
Jessica Tomé
I bet the AutoTrader guys know they're stuck writing this stuff, because why else would you use the phrase "pleasure seekers" like this? Jessica Tomé is a former soap opera actress, so pretending to listen to a blowhard drone on about a Mercedes is second nature at this point.
Kimbette Fenol
An underused member of the League of AutoTrader Hotties, Kimbette Fenol was stuck with acting in the wintertime review of the Infiniti M along with a nine-year-old's take on a Princess Leia hairstyle.
Amanda Salas
Here we finally stumble into one of the mainstays of the AutoTrader scene. Not only can Amanda Salas bring spark to copy that makes me wish for the sweet release of death, she gets to drive the car in this review, an upgrade from the passenger-seat commentary most of the women are forced to deliver. Even so, these videos still come off as terrible blind dates with obsessive new-car salesmen.
Vanessa Leigh
The Jill Wagner-in-training of the AutoTrader stables is Vanessa Leigh, and with Salas the only spokesmodels AutoTrader has trusted to do an all-woman review. Given that it's rare for an AutoTrader video to crack 10,000 views, we might suggest that Leigh could switch things up a bit. No one really cares about the market position of another cookie-cutter crossover, but shooting one of these in "L.A. Confidential" style Leigh can pull off would at least get a few extra clicks.