Volkswagen has a problem with their diesel engines: You. You people keep ruining them by filling them with gasoline instead of diesel fuel.

Today in 1873 Levi Strauss patented copper-riveted canvas pants. Eventually switching to blue denim, those tough pants became the jeans we all wear all the damn time. Jeans have also been oddly influential for cars, with several cars sporting jeans-based themes, even to this day.

Most every car you find these days has a six or seven speed transmission. But some people want more. Lexus has an eight speed auto. ZF is working on a nine speed auto. Hyundai will offer a ten speed soon. But now they're going to be outdone by Volkswagen. Beigekrieg, forward!

The number of automakers trying to crack the code to get Millennials to give a shit about cars grows with every major auto show and now Volkswagen has sunk to new lows with the Apple-aping name of the special edition iBeetle. It's a car built around a smartphone.

For years, I was under the impression that the word "coupe" means a car has two doors, but the German automakers seem dead-set on proving me wrong. The latest example is this: the Volkswagen CrossBlue Coupe Concept, which does not have two doors but is called a "coupe" anyway.

Here's the most incredible thing about today: my prized Beetle has had its eyes gouged out, its hood and decklid battered, it bumpers mangled, roof rack stolen, radio gone, and the entire engine brutally extracted, and all I can think about is how amazingly wonderful people are.

Commenter Jake posted this comment and took the above pic of my de-headlighted and roof rack'd car. But with no address! Can anyone help me ID the location? Most likely East LA, Boyle Heights, Frogtown, Highland Park... Help!

My Beetle is still missing. I've called every impound lot, entered the license plate into databases, combed adjoining and sketchier neighborhoods, made and distributed flyers, Facebooked, Tweeted, placed Craigslist ads, and anything else I could think to try. I've tried to focus on other things, but I find myself…

I just walked out to the front of my house where my 1973 Volkswagen Beetle was parked and stopped dead in my tracks, confronted by an ugly void where my car was sitting. It's gone, and I'm on hold with the police as we speak, and I feel sick.

In our post-carpocalyptic and post-paper world, truly amazing auto show press reveals are a rarity. Rightfully so. Why spend tens of millions of dollars to unveil a car to a group of balding, morbidly-obese, and irrelevant auto "press" when it's already been seen online by an audience a thousand times larger and more…