Since Adam first walked the garden's path, there's been a human impulse to name things. We have names for our pets, our computers, our privates parts, and our cars. What do you call you car?

My second car, a hand-me-down black 3-door Escort, received the name Innes, after Innes Ireland. For some reason, I thought the car was similar enough to the Ford Escort Cosworth RS to merit the name of a great racing driver. Not so much. For the Volvo 245 I've completely abandoned anthropomorphizing and call it the "Banana Creme Bomber." However, as summer progresses and the a/c compressor remains seized, I may switch to "Portable Sauna."

How about you? Is your car a girl? A boy? A character from Greek mythology? Just "a piece of shit" or other derogatory name?

Send an email to Matt Hardigree, the author of this post, at matt@jalopnik.com.