Jalopnik
On Monday, we headed over to Frozen Finnish Car Hell and watched the '61 Ford Taunus wagon beat the '72 Opel Kadett in the Choose Your Eternity poll. Today we're in the mood for Very Expensive German Luxury, which is always an excellent Project Car Hell theme. You see, high-end German cars have always been chock-full of leading-edge technology, which means that the passage a decade or three can really knock down the purchase price of a nice example... well, that is, if you don't mind a car that needs some TLC!
It's time for another Jalopnik Fantasy Garage resident to make an appearance on the Hell That Is Project! Now, many of you may have felt that a genuine 6.9 Mercedes-Benz would never appear in this series, since it's so difficult to find one cheap enough to make the cut. To that sentiment we simply hiss a stern Prussian "NEIN!" in response. That's because we've managed to find this 1979 Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 (go here if the ad disappears) for a price we can hardly bring ourselves to utter, lest our readers think we're lying harder than Richard Nixon when he said that thing about not being a crook. Well, OK- it's $1,400. No, really! That's what you'd pay for a 15-year-old Nissan Sentra, for Gott's sake! Maybe it even runs, though we're guessing not; the car has been sitting since the early 90s (though the seller allows for the possibility: "The engine turns freely but we have not tried to start the car"). And, of course, there are a few other things to fix... but that price for a JFG car? Thanks to The Kid for the tip!
What could possibly stack up to the big Benz on the Cool/Hell scale? Well, it would have to be something German, fast, and complicated, with a similarly absurd price tag; we considered a Porsche 928, for that Double-Barreled JFG Hell Edition thing, but the 928 just doesn't have the sheer Teutonic bulk to measure up in the luxury department. But hold on- how about the BMW L7? It's big, it's fast, the interior boasts more leather than a Texas feedlot, and it's brimming with bewildering German technology that will keep you busy in the garage for years. But hold up there, you say. Sure, you can find a 6.9 Benz for cheap once in a while, but it's impossible to also find the same kind of deal on a BMW L7. Ach! This is Jalopnik, where there is no escape from Hell Project temptation- check out this 1986 BMW L7 (go here if the ad disappears). The price? One thin grand... or best offer! You must be living right, is all we can say, but read on before you sprain all your fingers dialing this car's seller. It's unclear whether it can actually be driven for real at the moment, since the tense of the statement "We drove it everyday" seems to infer something ominous, although the seller does state that it "cranks and drives." Perhaps the only thing really wrong with this L7 is "just that the muffler fell off but it can be welded back on." We can't tell you that, nor can we judge the body and interior condition from the blurry photos, but it's an L7 for a thousand bucks!
Comments
A kid I went to high school with drove an L7, it wasn't in too bad of shape but I never knew what the crap it was.
Ok, this is a disease, I find myself plotting on how that Benz can be mine, calculating which CD I'll be cashing in, trying to see what the value of my 401K is, just to get that Benz.... I've become infected! (and it's only 40 miles away!)
Sweet Jeebus, a Six-Nine I can afford! I'm sure Beercheck will help me with the restoration...right, buddy?
Gotta' be the big-bad-benz.
The Beemer is sitting in someone's driveway, indicating that it was possibly driven there recently. It also appears to be in pretty good shape, and even if you never got it street-worthy again, you could at least go out and enjoy a glass of Chardonnay in its opulence.
The benz, on the other hand, has crazy hydraulic suspension that will eat both your wallet and your soul. The aluminum V8 was built before they discovered Nicosil cylinder wall coating so it'll likely smoke more than Arnold Shwartzenagger. That interior has a nice blue-brothel look to it that either says "This is luxury" or "When did I become Buick-old?"
Plus it's $400 more than the L7.
BTW, wasn't L7 a hard rock girl band from the '80s?
It's got to be the 6.9. It's $1400, so it's likely shagged smooth. PCH uber alles!
Hopefully a fellow Jalop can pick one of these up and we can follow the "process"
@PatFromGundo: I'm in! I'll bring my hammers!
Actually, I've got NO qualms with voting 6.9 in this scenario. None whatsoever.
6.9 FTW!
See, the Benz lived in the NYC area. This means winter. This means salt. This means rust.
The BMW lives in Georgia. It should be relatively rust free. Relatively.
Judging by the pics, you'll be spending most (if not all) of a year's salary fixing the Benz's suspension. Sechs punkt neun über alles!
Oh yeah, I'd pick the 6.9, all day long. I generally prefer Bimmers over Benzers, but after seeing the chase scene in Ronin ...er, a chase scene in Ronin, with one of those 6.9's bombing down the road, I was in lurv.
In my book the 450SEL 6.9 has got to be one of the least Malaisey '79 models out there, bar none.
As for the Bimmer L7? Meh. Maybe when we pretend that we're dead.
I don't even have to think about this one, the suspension on the 6.9 makes it no contest. Citroen Uber Alles?
I'm close to the L7. I'm tempted to go have a look...
Wow. I'll go 6.9, but do no cosmetic work on it, just to horrify MB enthusiasts.
6.9. And if you really wanted to piss off both the purists as well as Jean Reno, you could turn it into a Benz-El...
...and Jean Reno is not somebody you want to piss off.
@JSmith53: Me too, only $1000 OBO! Who needs a muffler, it already passeed emissions.
Had to vote for the Big Block Benz, if it have been an 88 BMW 750iL V-12, then maybe it would be close.
This has got to be one of ma FAVORITE PCH in a while. Benzaminos, Romin referances, awsome cars. .Jalop-bliss.
Anyways, I voted for the W116 6.9. That hydronomatic suspenison. Its the kinda thing that will rip your heart out. And I would totaly buy it.
A big blower sticking out of the hood of a matte black, dechromed, tinted 6.9 Benz would be the most menacing creature ever created. Seriously, we're talking a rat rod that would take down every '69 Chevelle on the road and go on to eat several small children, then defending itself in court and getting the charges dropped on a technicality. Just imagine if Mad Max were German.
So, ya, I had to go for the Benz.
- J
I voted for the L7. That car has more buttons and switches than the Houston space center.
@KazukiFennec: I think I said before that hydropneumatic suspension wins PCH by default.
If that Benz was making 286 HP in 1979, I have to wonder what it could do with all the smog equipment removed. I own a home in a county that doesn't require inspections...
@ƂƵЯ: Man does that look like a Subie Brat.
@staircar: And don't forget that this is the car from "Rendezvous" but with a Ferrari soundtrack.
I picked the Benz but I am only 12 miles from Atlanta and $1000 is hard to argue with.
Merc uber alles.
Because apart from Debbie Harry, there was nothing hotter than a six-point-nine in '79.
A German luxury sedan from 1986 offers more buggy, proprietary, computer systems than one from 1979.
@graverobber: yeah, L7 was a girl rock band in the 90's - they got their name 'cuz if you make an L with your thumb and fore finger on one hand and a 7 with the other... oh nevermind. 6.9 all the way.
Not tempted by the Star this time. I could probably keep reducing my expectations until they intersected with what's possible with the L7.
A Six-Nine is an Escher painting of Rube Goldberg's conception of a Möbius loop. It's a treadmill of heartbreak.
And it's just flat ugly.
L7 all the way. Not only is it an old Bimmer--it also shares a name with a hellish mid-nineties alt rock band.
The Merc for me. Big V8 vs I6... V8 wins. Won't be good for CAFE though...
@Dr. Spaceman:
True, Doctor Spah-che-man, though some of those early comp systems were pretty loco. Exhibit A: early-Seventies Type 3 and Type 4 VW's. Those things came fresh from the factory with an insane Bosch electronic fuel injection system, whose cavalcade of arcane sensors and relays was so diabolical it could give a Windows Vista programmer an aneurysm. And if, God forbid, the CPU "black box" shat the bed, well, good luck finding a new one. Granted a '72 VW 411 is not a "luxury sedan" per se but nonetheless the Germans had "buggy and proprietary" nailed pretty early on.
This is one of those rare occasions in which the PCH car I'd rather drive fits with the spirit of this exercise.
Six-tee-nein fur die veen!
There is some nice symetry, L7 vs. 6.9.
The Mercedes will be more hellish.
450 SEL Given the location, the cars probably rotted away, but think of the hellish swap options.
6.9 All The Way. The suspension repairs alone will casue you to sell your soul.
now, which one is in the fantasy garage?
6.9, now (keep a tape of a 275 exhaust note to play when you are hooning)
Two German luxury cars named after the same sexual position. Kinda creepy, actually.
I thought the 6.9 got rid of the airbaggery. Also I think it has a dry sump.
Gotta vote for the L7... because if you ever do fix up the Merc 6.9, you won't be left wanting for more. If you fix up the L7, there's still going to be part of you that really wants a euro 745i Turbo (not to mention the longing desire for a South African M1-engined 745i) I was pretty happy with my old euro 732i, but that's because it was a beater, nothing I spent time/effort/money on.
The 6.9 is a top-dog; the L7, not so much...
@Jay200MPH: I want a photoshop of that image. And then I'll have it made into a tattoo.
The Benz, the Benz. The guy wrote a novelette trying to con you into thinking You Can Win! But every word of this tale only added to the horror.
I went with the Benz, a friend has a '77 SEL (no idea if if it's a 6.9) Blew up the engine and it wound up running him around 10 grand.
The Mercedes is so much more desirable, and will likely hold together after you get it whole, I had to vote Bimmer.
1986...they're common in junkyards, well, as common as they're likely to get, yet you'll not find what you need, as the parts you're searching for failed on those, as well.
I could go for both if I had the shop space. And the time. And the bottomless bank account...
The Merc is nice, and rare, and 7 beats 6.9 any day, so I had to go with the BMW. That and the Merc's suspension scares me.
I cant say no to a 6.9.
Benz! Look at that saggy stance! If you couldn't decide whether you should sacrifice your own life at the altar of Benz or Citroen, here's a wrenching Surf'n'Turn platter for you.
The 6.9 just to have the engine for installation in the first totalled Smart car I can find...
Oh, the 6.9 for sure. Now, I may be wrong, I often am, but wasn't the 6.9 the same Mercedes that Mr. Eddy used to run the guy off the road in Lost Highway? Either way, I've always had a crush on that car. As the previous caller mentioned, the suspension alone would drive you to drinking bottles of Ripple alone in some dark alley.
The Benz, absolutley.
You don't need all that pneumatic suspension crap, just rip all 'at shit right out, and save some weight. Let it ride right down on those cushy bump stops the seller is hyping.
If you can't get the motor running (and you you won't) just rip out that aluminum baot anchor and dump in any big stonking torque-monster you can find, naturally aspirated or unnaturally inspirated, doesn't matter, whatever you can afford, just get it and shove it right in there. You know there's tons of room 'cause you're yanking a BIG BLOCK.
Don't forget to make sure the air in spare tire is at proper pressure. Safety first!
Merc all the way. It's huge, it has an insane suspension, and it's been in the movies. Furthermore, it is impossible to comprehend both the awesomeness and headache of a hydraulic Mercedes.
Furthermore, one could always stuff a great big American V8 in there. With a turbo.
As much as I now have a BMW connection, I gotta go Benz. I've always loved the look of the W116 Benzes, and disliked the looks of this gen 7-series Bimmer.
Plus 6.9! Come on!
I feel so ashamed of myself, I work for BMW, but come'on the Benz is one quick way to hell (if it runs) otherwise it's a slow and steady way to the pits of project car hell