Having invested heavily in Jeep slogans and thereby multiplied our sales by four times, we're happy to learn that space travel is going green. Dr. Doug Haynes, of Blue Ridge Airlines, is pleased to announce that he's created the first 100% green form of space travel. The non-polluting Haynes Saucer UFO (a.k.a. the Jetson Mobile), is the answer to all of our spaceflight dreams for 2008. We haven't taken a ride in the Jetson Mobile, so we can't comment on their Cotomer Sevis. The way things are going, we may see this before we see the Zap Alias. Crazy rant below the jump.
Dr. Haynes goes 100% Green by sending his UFO into 2008Dr. Doug Haynes joins many other "earth first" human inhabitants in leading the word into the righteous path of existence by creating the first 100% non-polluting atmospheric and outer space flying machine. Dr. Doug E Haynes recognizes that his aviation and aerospace industry has been a major production contributor in the destructive over creation of CO2 greenhouse gasses and as its leader he successfully moves to reverse this damaging behavioral pattern by creating a 100% Green flying space car.
Back in 2003, on the 100th anniversary of the Wright Brothers first powered flight, Dr. Haynes demonstrated to the FAA, AST and millions of spectators around the world the superior capabilities of his non-polluting Haynes Saucer UFO looking prototype flying machine. Doug's Saucer easily displayed the ability to out fly all current civilian / military VTOL, STOL, and conventional flying devices such as aircraft and helicopters and spacecraft on television and video tape. The Haynes Saucer also displayed the amazing ability to fly forward and backward at the same speed without expelling any green house enhancing gasses making it the vehicle of preference for the 21st century.
As others who have migrated to America from Europe and South America try to take false credit for being the first to establish a FAA/ AST registered spaceline company Dr. Haynes and his Blue Ridge Nebula Spaceline rganization moves on to connect their state of the art, UFO, non-polluting technology to his newly developed flying car /space shuttle vehicle (Jetson Mobile).
So as the leader of the civilian passenger/cargo space transpiration industry Dr. Doug Haynes once again points the way to the right path for us all, and prays that we all strive to work together as one people on earth to clean up our mistakes ASAP.
Come celebrate 2008 with Dr. Haynes, the first to create a 100% Green flying car /spaceship, and his Blue Ridge Spaceline management team, the true initiators of the civilian passenger / cargo space flight transportation industry, while we show off our stuff and teach the youth of Colorado the true path to success.
As always God bless you all
Amen.














Comments
I'll have whatever he's drinking.
On second thoughts, no, I won't.
I guess he's holding back on the technological details until the patents are all solid.
This is them.
Strewth.
[www.blueridgeairlines.com]
I guess he picked the wrong decade to stop sniffing glue.
Is his company based in China? That thing's styling is sooo ripped off of the JL421 Badonkadonk Tank.
[www.amazon.com]
Please tell me that the MS Paint additions were done by the good doctor, and not Jalopnik.
@MagicalTrevor: You beat me to the Badonkadonk ripoff mention.
"First" my ass. I built mine, made out of underbrush and tree sap and running on goat farts, 6 years, 3 months, 1 week, 4 days and 27 minutes earlier than that hack Haynes. I hate that guy.
Didn't know that POLAR was involved with UFO design
@PeteJayhawk: Yes, photo courtesy of the good doctor.
"and teach the youth of colorado...." Don't they have laws preventing wingnuts like this getting within 500 feet of a school? If not I'm gonna call my state representative...
@Stoatmaster: Ah, this explains it all! They're on Colfax Ave. in Denver
It sounds like someone missed his Heavens Gate meeting. Which is unfortunate for the rest of us who still have to put up with his, um... I'll just say vapor ware and leave it at that.
The leader is good
the leader is great
surrender your will
as of this date
Hey...he's even registered with the FAA!
Granted, "this aircraft's registration status may not be suitable for operation."
[registry.faa.gov]
I think this fella's been drinking the UFO fuel.
Of course, his video "proof" is all in the form of computer-generated simulations. But he is confidant that the power source will work. All he has to do is actually build one... which he will do as soon as he has enough money.
Yawn. This scam is getting kind of old, don't you think? So old, it is getting harder and harder to come up with original jokes about it. The worst is, it would be so damned cool if it were true.
@MagicalTrevor: What...the...fuck?
Also, what...the...fuck?
You really need to set up a meeting with this guy.
"My Green Flying Space Car." Bowie sang that one, didn't he?
Wait, that's a Colorado flag. Geez, Trey Parker and Matt Stone have some bizzare references in this one, don't they? Good one, guys.
@Franzouse: This guy ain't got nothin on me!
Check my Hoopty Ride...
Does this officially inaugurate "February Fools' Day"...?
Oh, thank God he's not in Virginia. When I saw "Blue Ridge" my heart sank.
Most of our loonies are not the technologically advanced kind,as a rule.
And as long as you're making up imaginary space vehicles, well just imagine you can fly through space in your body by flapping your arms. That's even greener.
Hey, I live in Colorado. Should I set up and interview with him for Jalopnik?
But really, is this supposed to be funny or is this guy just completely nuts and living in his own little world?
OK, I give...What powers this first technological marvel?
@SeanKHotay: I'm guessing "bourbon".
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