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Detroit Auto Show: Top Five Concept Car Features That'll Never See Production

Concept cars are notorious for rarely making it to the street. But what about the enticing features that designers include in their dreamy visions of our automotive future? We combed through the files we've amassed at the show this week and come up with five features that don't stand a chance in hell of ever escaping the shimmering incubator of the world's design studios. Count 'em down, after the jump.

5.) Saab 9-4x BioPower: Stainless-steel ski rack. Sure, it looks fine, and having the titanium-carbon-fiber Rossignols on the roof is just too risky these days. But where will the douchebag couple who spends the eight hours to Vermont talking about their trip to St. Bart's sit? Think about it.

4.) Saturn Flextreme: Clamshell trunk. While shellfish and trunk space are both well liked, combining the two is a pipe dream that'll, unfortunately, never be fulfilled. Saturn designers deserve credit for out-of-the-mollusk thinking, though. Hiho!

3.) Lincoln MKT: Those massive gauge tubes were reportedly inspired by Swarovski crystal. While they do add an upmarket, Ice Pirates ambiance to the Lincoln, no corporate lawyer in Scarsdale who's ever had a knock-down-drag-out with his spouse in the living room would risk another crystal decanter to the face, under any circumstances.

2.) Maybach Landaulet: Rear-seat convertible top. When everything shakes out, the 2010s may be known as the decade robber barons returned to lord it over the faltering middle class. But will the new JP Morgans and Vanderbilts really want to be chauffeured al fresco? We're betting not. These days, the proles have guns and laser scopes.

1.) Mazda Furai: Itself.

BONUS: One Feature Missing from a Detroit Concept Car: Hummer HX. Notwithstanding its visual connection to the Halo 3 Warthog fighting vehicle, the Hummer HX concept could be a great success on the dystopian streets of post-revolutionary America. But the kids would demand a turret mount, a glaring omission from the concept. Keeping the Covenant from attacking humanoid refugee shelters would be impossible without it.

5:10 PM on Tue Jan 15 2008
By Mike Spinelli
31,795 views
44 comments

Comments

$Image of Dr.Danger\'s got the beat$ Dr.Danger's got the beat at 05:19 PM on 01/15/08
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NOT THE FURAI!

Could they at-least drop the 3-rotor engine into the RX-8?
TexanIdiot25 [Hunting... at 05:22 PM on 01/15/08
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Oh trust me, in Texas, there will be a HX with a turret. Trust me...
Skydiver at 05:23 PM on 01/15/08
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The Lincoln MKT's tubes are better inspired by Superman: The Movie. I wonder what happen when you insert the green crystal?
DustyButt at 05:24 PM on 01/15/08
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Did I really just see an reference to Ice Pirates?

wow.
DustyButt at 05:26 PM on 01/15/08
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My kingdom for an edit button.
skaz at 05:26 PM on 01/15/08
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..please let us have the Furai. Please.

I won't own one, but I'll giggle like a little girl every time I see one, I promise.
workingonyourinvoice at 05:26 PM on 01/15/08
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@DustyButt: Beat me to it. I made my girl sit through about 3/4 of that movie. She still won't let me choose at blockbuster.
Euromobile at 05:27 PM on 01/15/08
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The ski-rack is a great idea, because it means that you and your other half have the perfect excuse not to take that annoying couple with you.

The gauges on the Lincoln could probably be fashioned from something synthetic that won't shatter.

The Furai MUST LIVE ON! Surely, even as a factory race car, or a super-limited track car for the uber-rich it could live on?
Euromobile at 05:28 PM on 01/15/08
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Oh, and that Alfa BAT is probably one of the best concepts ever devised.
PeteJayhawk at 05:31 PM on 01/15/08
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Fuck Swarovski crystal. Gimme an Oleg Cassini clock, stat.
Bentos, Der Frischmacher! at 05:33 PM on 01/15/08
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Can I get a swarovski hood window???
bswinfor at 05:34 PM on 01/15/08
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@Euromobile:

Yes, they should make them shatter proof...it's been far too long since someone was impaled on their steering column (or instrument binnacle). Airbag? Punctured by the gauge surrounds, of course.
lascauxcaveman at 05:38 PM on 01/15/08
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@Euromobile: As a skier, I think a stainless steel ski rack is as good as any other kind. As long as it's on the roof where it belongs. Who wants half teh glacier melting all over the inside of their of sweet Saab interior? No skier I know of. And I'm sorry, in a frozen windblown ski are parking lot, i'm not gonna take the time to individually dry my skis and poles so they can ride inside.
Novaload at 05:47 PM on 01/15/08
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Amazing write up. Triple bonus score for "out-of-the-mollusk-thinking"--and for the Furai "Itself."
But the Furai is real, I have seen it and heard it and it exists and you can't say it's just a dorky concept in some geek's head, and if you say it doesn't exist, why I'm just going to stick my fingers in my ears and refuse to listen!
Rust-MyEnemy at 05:49 PM on 01/15/08
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@Euromobile: I concur. 21st century Bat 4 NOW!

Flextreme trunklid is very cool, it must be admitted. Kinda reminds me of all those concepts and supercars (Dodge M4S and Koenigsegg) which, when you open all the doors, hood and trunk, almost completely disappear, and you're left with just a chassis and some flappy bits.
suttree at 05:51 PM on 01/15/08
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Isn't that a model of the new Cadillac?
Euromobile at 05:53 PM on 01/15/08
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@bswinfor: I'd be alarmed if it all crumpled that much. Hell, in an accident I'd be expecting the instrument binnacle and the steering wheel to stay the same distance from each other, more or less. The airbag should also help protect your noggin.

@lascauxcaveman: I don't ski, but a car like that should have a wipe down interior. I did go snowboarding one time; we just shook the worst of the snow off the boards, spread some old towels in the back of the car and chucked the boards in.
Euromobile at 05:55 PM on 01/15/08
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@Rust-MyEnemy: We should start a petition.
skaz at 05:58 PM on 01/15/08
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@Rust-MyEnemy: Toyota had that ABAT thing this year, didn't they? They fugtruck?
skaz at 05:58 PM on 01/15/08
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@skaz: the, THE fugtruck, moran.
Mad_Science at 06:03 PM on 01/15/08
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The Furai is one of the most beautiful cars in recent times. Score gets a 1000x multiplier for being a running fully functional kickass prototype.
Rust-MyEnemy at 06:04 PM on 01/15/08
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@skaz: True.. looks like the memo was delivered to the wrong pigeonhole.

It is in fact the polar opposite of the BAT cars....

Hello POLAR....
Rust-MyEnemy at 06:07 PM on 01/15/08
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Furai:- Sinewy. Sinuous, Sensuous, Sensual, Sexual.
TX Law at 06:10 PM on 01/15/08
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@Mad_Science: And that's exactly why it has not a chance in hell of being produced, not even in extremely limited numbers. It could be the Corvette to the RX8's Camaro. 'Cept date-rapists drive Camaros and Mall parking lot drift kings drive RX8s.
skaz at 06:10 PM on 01/15/08
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@Rust-MyEnemy: Call Websters, we need this added immediately.
Mad_Science at 06:27 PM on 01/15/08
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@TX_law: I'm thinking it would be Mazda's equivalent of the Ford GT.

The only difference is that Mazda doesn't need a "halo car" to shed the essence of coolness on the rest of it's crap product. All their cars are pretty cool as-is.
m3_of_doom at 07:06 PM on 01/15/08
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a brief letter to mazda...build the furai....do it, and do it soon...i'm not afraid to go back to prison...cause life's not worth living if we are never to hear that sweet engine purr again
BSAKat at 07:23 PM on 01/15/08
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@DustyButt:
This is why I love Jalopnik, Ice Pirates references.
thatguy01 at 07:59 PM on 01/15/08
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@Mad_Science: "Mazda doesn't need a "halo car" to shed the essence of coolness on the rest of it's crap product. All their cars are pretty cool as-is."

Exactly. Toyota and Honda have racing programs to build a sport image. Mazda builds its sport image by building, you know, sports cars.
superbmtsub at 08:43 PM on 01/15/08
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The Furai needs to get built. That alieny rocket spaceship. I love that shit.
wheels OF satan! at 09:03 PM on 01/15/08
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@TX_law:

bha ha ha ah ha

you crack me up////
wheels OF satan! at 09:05 PM on 01/15/08
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every skier has a Lockup roof egg for their skis already
its standard issue in Bend, OR-- they don't let you into town without it...
only dorks put skis inside the car... they melt!
so , Mr Saab would know that... to bad Mr Gm made him do it!
EquinsuOcha at 11:31 PM on 01/15/08
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I would endorse the Lincoln if it weren't for the fact that it is probably INFESTED with Space Herpes.
JWilly48519 at 01:22 AM on 01/16/08
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Regarding the Hummer HX...you're outside your technical range.

Ring mount...sure.
Pintel mount...not very effective on the move, but popular nonetheless.
Turret mount...yeah, right.
Stoatmaster at 05:42 AM on 01/16/08
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@Skydiver:

"Insert the green crystal" had better not be some kind of dragon euphemism.
TinaChow at 05:57 AM on 01/16/08
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Hello!

Tang Hua Book of Songs anyone???

If it isn't top 5, it certainly deserves sixth place.
Elhigh at 08:27 AM on 01/16/08
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How 'bout that hoopy with the microwave in the dash? Talk about distracted driving.
SeanKHotay at 08:54 AM on 01/16/08
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"...where will the douchebag couple who spends the eight hours to Vermont talking about their trip to St. Bart's sit?"

On the f*cking roof, of course.

That interior ski rack would be a nice DMZ for the kids...

@elhigh: [singing] "Hot Pocketsss"
smoke~ at 08:54 AM on 01/16/08
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I think my imagination was stimulated more by the old flying car concept rather than the morphing one of today. Or maybe this is just Poplar Mechanics on meth.
SeanKHotay at 09:31 AM on 01/16/08
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@Skydiver: I also thought of Barbarella...
boognish at 10:27 AM on 01/16/08
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I am the first one to make fun of Hummer owners, and how car-stupid they are, and what a piece of crap that does nothing well, styled by kenmore... etc... small penis... etc... But this concept is bad-assed. I prolly couldnt afford 1 tire, but that is one capable looking machine. Like the LM002, it should have only 2 options... a 50 gal gas tank, and a roof mounted .50ca belt fed machine gun. And matte OD green paint. PLUHEEZE!
saabophile2 at 01:10 PM on 01/16/08
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In 3rd grade we tried to let our teacher name our reading group Space Herpes. We did not understand why she absolutely refused, we thought Space Herpes was just a little monster that ate turkey. "...My salad days, / When I was green in judgment..."
awesomerobot at 01:15 PM on 01/16/08
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Does anyone remember the Cadillac Sixteen? now there's a car.
zmarn at 04:33 PM on 01/16/08
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Maybach EXELERO
[en.wikipedia.org]
[www.metacafe.com]
[www.das-projekt.com]