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You Could Spend $280,000 On A Stupid Watch With A Fake 16-Cylinder Engine Or Save $70,000 And Buy This Car With A Real One

Illustration for article titled You Could Spend $280,000 On A Stupid Watch With A Fake 16-Cylinder Engine Or Save $70,000 And Buy This Car With A Real One

I know there’s a lot of overlap between car people and watch people. I get why; watches are full of the complicated mechanical cams and meshing gears and all sorts of metal bits doing things to other metal bits that get us all so weirdly aroused. I do get it. So, you’d think that a watch with a little model W16 engine in it would be just fantastic, and, while it is very impressive technically, once I learned the price of this watch—$280,000 motherfucking dollars—I can’t help but see it as idiocy. Especially when you could buy a real 16-cylinder engine—with a car wrapped around it—for less.

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The watch is the Jacob & Co. Bugatti Chiron Tourbillion and, sure, it’s a mechanical marvel made from 578 parts, at least 16 of which are actual little tiny pistons connected to a crankshaft and set into an “engine” block made of sapphire.

Illustration for article titled You Could Spend $280,000 On A Stupid Watch With A Fake 16-Cylinder Engine Or Save $70,000 And Buy This Car With A Real One
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The little model W16 engine can run for all of 30 seconds from the energy your fingers wind into its spring, activated by a little pushbutton on the rightmost of the three stems at the bottom of this big dumb thing.

Here’s an animation of the little engine in action, posted to Jacob & Co’s Instagram:

It’s not like I have anything against useless machines—I actively love useless machines, even Swiss useless machines. But the thing is, this is not really a useless machine, this watch. It’s not a machine designed to tell time, either, at least not primarily.

This is a showy machine you can wear on your wrist that produces the knowledge that you somehow spent $280,000 on a fucking watch.

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Illustration for article titled You Could Spend $280,000 On A Stupid Watch With A Fake 16-Cylinder Engine Or Save $70,000 And Buy This Car With A Real One

The output of this machine is just that: you spent house-buying money on a watch, and it’s sure as hell hard not to see that as a deeply, almost immorally stupid act. Sure, it’s your money, you can do what you want with it, but, conversely, come the fuck on.

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Look, if you really, really love W16 engines and knowing what time it is, you can save well over $250,000 by just buying, oh, any other watch in the world that’s less than the price of a Nissan Versa and also this stupidly overpriced $9,300 Bugatti W16 engine model.

say, that looks fun to dust
say, that looks fun to dust
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If you did that, you could buy 20 Apple watches or whatever and that super-accurate model of the engine, so you could set an alarm so you’ll never forget to watch your W16 engine model run and have a wank to it.

Or, even better, you can get a real 16-cylinder engine, with a whole entire car to carry it around, for $70,000 less than that stupid watch: this all-original 1931 Cadillac V16 with less than 10,000 miles on it could be yours for $209,500.

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Illustration for article titled You Could Spend $280,000 On A Stupid Watch With A Fake 16-Cylinder Engine Or Save $70,000 And Buy This Car With A Real One

That’s a whole very well-equipped Tesla Model Y cheaper than the Bugatti watch, and it’s way the hell faster and runs for a lot longer than 30 seconds and has the very crucial advantage of not making you look like a colossal dipshit when you’re anywhere near it.

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I think the best you can really honestly hope for with that Bugatti watch is to show it to someone and they respond, hey, look at that, that’s pretty cool, a response I can all but guarantee you can get out of a watch and save $279,860 by showing someone this mint 1980s Nelsonic watch that plays Q*Bert.

Actually, I bet most people would find the Q*Bert watch a bit cooler, or at least more fun.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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DISCUSSION

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Elon's Backdoor Musk

Am I the only one who thinks that watch is hideous?