You Can't Handle The Manual!

Illustration for article titled You Can't Handle The Manual!

Oh no, the Audi A3 Clubsport Quattro concept doesn't have a manual. Yes, it has 525 horsepower, all-wheel drive, five cylinders and has a big "quattro" on the front. But you're still going to complain about the lack of a manual.


Or at least until someone calls you out on it.

Party-vi was kind enough to point out this response to some stick-shift whining:

Bunch'a bullshit right here.

To which jalop1991 replied with modified Sorkin-ing:

You want the horsepower? You want the horsepower? You can't handle the horsepower! Son, we live in a world full of horsepower. And that horsepower has to be transmitted by big honking gears. Who's going to shift those gears? You?

When you drive a car like the RS3 you have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for a manual, and you curse the auto. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what Audi knows: that taking your hands off the transmission, while regrettable, probably saved your life and the lives of those in traffic around you. The existence of the automatic transmission, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives.

You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties and on Jalopnik, you want that automatic transmission. You need that automatic transmission.

You use words like hoon. Control. You use these words as the backbone to a life spent driving V6 Mustangs in the snow. You use 'em as a punchline on Jalopnik. Audi has neither the time nor the inclination to explain themselves to a man who lusts after the very horsepower they provide, then questions the manner in which they provide it! Audi would rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you strap on an RS3 and hit the track without hitting everything and everyone else on it. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

Seriously, what is Jack Nicholson up to these days?

Photo: Audi



Congratulations, Mr. Party-vi and Mr. jalop1991, on COTD today! I have for both of you an Audi TT which this lovely lady will bring to you as soon as she figures out how to get behind the steering wheel.