But that’s mostly because the Stanley Cup is, without a shadow of a doubt, much, much cooler than you. And to prove it, when it was late to its grand appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals, it got a police escort through downtown Chicago, and lived your urban maniac dreams.

There was an awkwardly long pause after the Chicago Blackhawks won the Cup the other night, where the players stood around and just sort of shook hands for a while, and it turns out it wasn’t because the NHL just wanted to savor the moment. Apparently the best trophy in the history of ever was actually late, on account of the weather, according to ESPN:

The vaunted trophy arrived fashionably late, delayed by the untimely detours that were a result of severe weather before the game.

The source with knowledge of the situation said the crew escorting the Cup to the facility left its hotel in the outskirts of Chicago at puck drop, but the commute was less than ideal.

Even though the crew eventually got the police escort, it still did not arrive to the rink on time.

The police escort drove like a buncha crazies through the city traffic just to make it to the game, and good for them. Whoever hasn’t fantasized about speeding through an urban conglomeration at 100 MPH either has an adrenal gland issue, or is a GODDAMN LIAR.

This means you, Gerald.

Photo credit: AP


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