You Are Now A Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat Speeding Down The 'Twisted Sisters' Loop In Texas

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Gif: Apex

You woke up this morning after a long night of reading Kafka and something felt different. Were your hands and feet always treaded like this? And you’re so gassy, like 93 octane gassy. You try to call out for your partner to help you, but all that comes out is the 707-horsepower growl of a Hellcat engine. It’s your favorite dream (or worst nightmare) realized: You have been transformed into a Dodge Charger SRT Hellcat Widebody.

What can you do? The only thing that makes sense anymore. You try to put on your jacket but only rip it to shreds because you’re a car now. You have no need for jackets you realize. Instead of mourning the garment, you head to Central Texas to stretch your “legs” on the 100-mile Twisted Sisters loop.

It’s a beautiful bright Texas day. The cobalt sky stretches out in front of your hood and makes you doubt the existence of the horizon. Doubt is a human emotion however, and therefore not your concern. It vanishes under the gleam of your hood. The three Ranch roads that make up the Twisted Sisters snake beneath your wheels. Speeding across green plains which quickly give way to lush, tree-covered hills and craggy cliff sides; your old life — jobs, bills, cares, human needs like eating and sleeping — are in the review now. Not that you do much looking behind you. Forward is the only direction you honor.


Your V8 heart pounds as you take the turns. You remember reading on RideTexas that there are 65 curves in one 15-mile section of the drive. Then you forget about reading altogether. Your eyes are for staring down the miles, not for working behind a boring computer all day. You caress each curve like the unique individual they are. When the road opens up, you hit the gas and reach for the breaking point.

You were always meant to be here. You are car and the road is your home.