Would You Rather: Uncomfortable Hunk Of Metal Edition

Illustration for article titled Would You Rather: Uncomfortable Hunk Of Metal Edition

You know what time it is, don’t you? That’s right! Even though I’m traveling and recovering from debilitating racetrack shame, I figured I should take some time to do another automotive Would You Rather. Because, dammit, it’s important. So let’s do it.

Here we go!

Would you rather be able to have any car in the world—and I do mean any, including one-offs, concept cars, prototypes, or whatever. Anything you want, for free and in perfect running condition—but only if a 1:43 scale model of the car will materialize up your ass once you take possession of it.


Yes, if you want the car, you have to keep a toy-sized version of it in your rectum. You can remove it to poop, but if it’s not back in there within five minutes of the movement of your bowels, your beloved car will disappear, leaving you with only a foul-smelling toy-sized reminder.


Would you rather be the absolute best racing driver in the world, able to compete and win at pretty much any motorsports event you set your eye on, but to keep your considerable skills intact, you must commit an act of cannibalism every year. And not just a little bit of a pinky ground up and sprinkled on your salad—it needs to be a real, substantial amount of human flesh consumed.

Yikes, right? No one said these were going to be easy. As always, I can’t wait to hear what you choose, and why. You people almost always amaze and delight me.

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Let’s start with your childhood, Jason.