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Who Steals A Taco Cart?

Illustration for article titled Who Steals A Taco Cart?

Ever have those nights when you're really hungry and wish there was a taco cart next to your house where you could buy delicious, delicious tacos to feast upon at 3 a.m.? Sure. we all do.


But one Brooklyn neighborhood doesn't get its tacos tonight because some asshat stole Rogelio Gonzalez's taco cart. Even worse than the plight of the neighbors is that of Gonzalez, who used his life savings of $28,000 to buy the truck so that he and his two eldest sons could sell traditional Mexican food in Brooklyn's Ditmas Park neighborhood.

The Gonzalez family slaved over a hot burner day and night for a largely appreciative crowd, but someone had to go and ruin it for everybody. The neighbors are pissed because they can't get tacos whenever they want. Gonzalez and his sons have reached out for help on Facebook, and community members have been blogging about the theft, but the cart hasn't been found yet.


Unbelievably, Mr. Gonzalez is taking this all in stride, telling NY1, "I don't want nobody go to jail. I want everybody OK. Please leave the cart on the street."

Whoever the taco cart banditos are (could it be the same delinquents who stripped this old van), stealing someone's life savings and depriving an entire neighborhood of tacos is punishable by death in some corners of the world. You should give the man his cart back.

Photo credit: Ditmas Park Corner

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Earthbound And Down

Setting: A drunken night of debauchery has taken its toll on the Tau Kappa Omega fraternity. The bar lets out, and suddenly these 10 bros are on the street with nothing to do.

Bro 1: Fuuuuuuuuuck, duuuude, I'm starrrving.

Bros 2-10 make low grunts and other noises, seemingly in agreement.

Bro 1: We need to find something to eat. Waitasecond—

Bro 1 remembers the taco cart. They walk to its normal location, only to find it's closed for the night.

Bro 2: This is unacceptable, bros. We're out here starving and they're fucking, like, at home asleep and shit? *burp* What the hell are we going to do now?

Bro 1: It's simple. We kill the Batman.

Bros 1-10 erupt into drunken guffaws at a reference that makes no sense in the given context.

Bro 1: But seriously, let's just steal the cart. It can't be too tough — we lift.

Bros 1-10, despite being drunk enough to kill anybody without this much protein powder in their system, steal the cart and head back to the TKO house. They then realize that they cannot cook, abandon the cart at the house and call a pledge to drive them to Taco Bell.