What Will You Ride To Valhalla?

Illustration for article titled What Will You Ride To Valhalla?
Photo: Stephanie Keith/Getty Images (Getty Images)

As you’re probably aware, the rap star DMX died on April 9. Over the weekend, his casket motored to his funeral at the Barclays Center in Brooklyn atop a tractor-tired Ford F-250 in a procession that encompassed 1,000 or so motorcycles, quads and three-wheelers. It was a fitting tribute to the man who released this video:

Watching someone as talented as DMX die at just 50 is a heartbreaking reminder that death comes for us all, sometimes well before we’re ready. But seeing his casket carried by something big and loud gave the cortege a much stronger “celebration of life” vibe than a hearse ever could have, showing X as uncowed at the end of a life that was profoundly difficult, even when he was on top.


If you live in an area where those highly embellished jeans are still selling well, you’ve probably taken note of Harley-Davidson hearses being advertised.

A lot of funeral homes offer vintage hearses, and for those who really want to throw it back, horse-drawn options are still available.

Of course, if you you’re a decrepit old racist wrapping up a century of leeching off a small island nation, you can spend your last years fiddling with an old Land Rover to ferry you to your tomb.

My personal wish, recorded here for the first time on the car website Jalopnik, is that my body be disposed of in accordance with the minimum legal requirements of the state and city where I meet my end.

But what about you? You can’t really go monster truck, motorcycles and Barclays Center funeral that’s already been done. Are you doing atraditional hearse? Cremation? Burial at sea? Fired out of a canon? Spread by a billowing parachute across the salt at Bonneville? Maybe your two pals can take a Folgers can full of your ashes to the ocean and talk about Vietnam, surfing and bowling before casting your mortal remains to the wind? What’s it going to be? How will you ride into Valhalla?

Jalopnik EIC '48 Willys CJ-2A, '84 Porsche 911, '15 VW GTI, '07 Lexus GX 470.


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