Look, I get it. Cars are more than just playthings for the rich and appliances for the working class. They’re as much an expression of individuality and non-conformity as any printed cotton ironic slogan t-shirt in existence, but some personal touches don’t actually mean anything, no matter how much you wish they did. That’s why I offer up this query: What’s your most pointless car modification?
When I think of car modifications that don’t make sense, before I think of anything with my fingerprints on it, I look to friend and scruffy co-worker Raphael Orlove. Every car he owns has so much going on, pulling in every direction stylistically, aesthetically, and physically, that it’s more of a collection of parts than fully realized thought. When he owned a cheapo Lexus ES300, it had a two-and-a-half foot tall octagonal shifter that was more sex toy than automotive component. While things like this would be right at home with a Bosozoku show car or beater drift machine, this was a goddamn daily driver that suffered a small electrical fire at some point in its past. Other than the insane torque multiplying knob, the car was bone stock.
Having it on the car wasn’t a bad thing - although I do mourn the shifter bushings, you never knew what hit you -it was a miracle that these two things even got together in the first place. It was the automotive equivalent of God’s footprints. This was monkeys typing ad infinitum and producing Shakespeare, encased in a 747 that was formed by a tornado rolling through a junkyard. It was beautiful and utterly pointless.
Now, how about you lot? What was your most pointless car modification? Feel free to comment below. I shall gaze through them and mock accordingly.
(Photo Credit: Raphael Orlove)