What Did You Name Your Car?

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I’m in the process of making my first vehicle purchasing experience for a vehicle that is Just For Fun, not because I desperately need it. And I have been in a heated debate with my husband about what we need to name it.


It’s a Suburban. A big, beefy Suburban that is a pale blue in color. Just beautiful. An exceptional piece of machinery that’s still in great working order. I’m reneging on every single thing I’ve ever said about the pointlessness of a big ol’ truck because I’ve fallen in love, and yes, if you must give me shit, I will take that shit in the comments. Because I’m buying a lovely, used, 100,000-mile Suburban.

My husband and I agreed that it should be a name that starts with a B. We also agree that it should be a hearty, traditionally female name—something befitting of a lunch lady that kind of scared the shit out of you or the gym teacher that could knock you into next week with one mere toss of a dodgeball.

He suggested Bertha. I think that is simply too blasé. It’s, like, the first B-name you think of when you think “lunch lady.” So many things have been nicknamed Big Bertha before. I want something unique.

I’ve pitched Brunhilde, largely because it has a nice Germanic feel to it and I also really love valkyrie myths. Brunhilde is a capable name. It’s a name that can both build a comfortable cabin and also bake you the most delicious loaf of bread you’ve ever had. A name you can trust. But my husband said I can’t name our truck after a character from Django Unchained.

So, we’re at an impasse. I’m the one buying it and going to pick it up, so I might just stake my name claim and let him deal with it. That also feels mean. Lord help us if we ever decide to have children.

All that to say: have you folks named your cars? And if you did, what did you name them? Why’d you name it that? I want your stories. I want to know.


teamtestbot - the David Tracy of Vans

I build a lot of projects and have historically named everything idiosyncratically as [DESCRIPTION][NOUN], just from what it reminded me of or what the circumstances were of its construction or purchase. I don’t try too hard at it, but maybe only 20% of everything I’ve owned or made have “names” in the typical sense, usually robots.

That said, we have...

Mikuvan, named long ago at this point because of my undying love of Hatsune Miku - my friends and I joked back then in the halycon days of ~2011-2012 that I’d eventually have an itasha Japanese van with Miku on it. There is currently a stark lack of Miku on it for sure.

Vantruck, because.... I mean, yeah. That.

Sadvan, because I pulled it out of a forest behind some guy’s house in rural Maryland where it had been for 10 years. Fortunately, this was after washing all of the grunge from the exterior and all of the mold and wildlife out of the interior.

Spool bus, because it’s a bright yellow Econoline cutaway with a turbodiesel. Named by my friends mostly. I think it’s fitting.

Murdervan, as it gave off intense stereotypical serial killer vibes and I bought it from a guy who really looked like Charles Manson and I was unsure I’d survive the encounter.

Simpvan, because I bought it off a cute punk rock girl so I consider the purchase emotionally equivalent to an OnlyFans subscription. It has a custom dashboard cover made from rabbit pelts, because her hobby is casual taxidermy and skeletal art.  When I get in it I always make sure to

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