It’s time to spill your most shameful secrets, my fellow Jalops. No, I’m not talking about your guilty pleasures—I’m talking about the car you owned that was just consistently embarrassing to you and everyone around you.
I can’t say I’ve ever owned an embarrassing car, despite the fact that my husband really wants me to think my beloved 2013 Mazda 2 is embarrassing. Even when I drove friends around in my falling-to-pieces Grand Prix, I thought it was mostly just kind of funny. Sorry the seat has a giant hole in it; I won ‘worst car’ as my senior superlative, I don’t know what you were expecting.
But I have been embarrassed on behalf of people. I dated a fella once whose car was always filthy and prone to breaking down for the dumbest reasons that could have been avoided if he’d, like, filled up the gas tank or changed the spark plug he knew was faulty. Like, bro, you’re claiming to be a car guy, and you are neglecting these very simple things. Oof.
My family, though, has had a slew of embarrassing cars. My mom’s first was an Impala that was about 20 years out of date than anything else on the road and was a boat of a machine. Her friends apparently roasted her for having to maneuver this yacht on wheels, and they’d ask her to park in progressively smaller spaces. Then she got a Volkswagen Rabbit that didn’t have a floor—it had completely rusted out. She upgraded to the Grand Prix when she had my brother and I.
But I want to know your stories? What car was always in the shop? The one that broke down more than it got you where you needed to go? The one that was always reliable until it kicked the bucket in the middle of a date? Gimme all your tales of tragedy.