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Watch A Guy Completely Lose His Shit Over Proximity Keys UPDATE: It's A Bit

Illustration for article titled Watch A Guy Completely Lose His Shit Over Proximity Keys UPDATE: Its A Bit

I absolutely understand where this guy is coming from. Proximity keys suck. Sure, they’re marginally more convenient, but they manage to introduce a whole host of problems that just never existed before. That’s not progress. Also, look what it’s doing to this poor bastard. He actually drooled in rage.

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This person is someone’s dad. He wanted to help his daughter by clearing snow off her new Volkswagen Beetle, and the repayment for his altruism is something that looks dangerously close to a stroke. Just watch:

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I get it, buddy. The man just wanted to take a comfortable shit, and thanks to some idiotic desire to cram needless technology into modern cars, his day is ruined. There’s no comfortable shit left for this man; that dream is over, all thanks to stupid, useless proximity keys.

Look, if you’re someone who designs systems on cars, and you know that the manner by which your car operated has caused a human being – even one human being – to act like this, you’ve failed.

It may be too late to go back. Proximity keys are available on almost everything now, and that means this situation can happen over and over and over again. The comfortable, relaxed shit as we know it may be a thing of the past.

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Proximity keys, take a good, hard look at what you’ve done to this man. I hope you’re proud of yourself.

UPDATE: So, this is comedian Vic Dibietto. I hadn’t heard of him, and my sympathy to his plight blinded me to the truth. Still, this is not exactly an implausible situation, really, just executed with more goofball fervor than normal, I suppose.

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So, I suppose I owe you all a huge apology: I’m sorry. This guy was just pretending. I’ll be sure this won’t happen again. If I could send cookie bouquets to you all, I would.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!: https://rb.gy/udnqhh)

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DISCUSSION

As funny as his reaction is, I don’t get why people honestly hate proximity keys. It’s not that hard to just put the key in the cupholder or ashtray when you get in the car if you really don’t want to keep it in your pocket or if you’re really so incapable of keeping track of something while sitting still in a seat. How hard is that? Less expensive cars with proximity keys often have a slot in the dashboard which you can put the key in if you so please, though I doubt very many people do that even if they whine about it.

Together with keyless entry I find this to be super convenient and easy, and there’s no reason for anyone to struggle with it. My car keys never leave my pocket once I leave my front door, and that’s fantastic.

Also I’ve never been in a car that doesn’t warn you if you try to drive away without the key. Some cars make a noise together with the dashboard warning. Even if it’s started, some don’t let you shift out of park if you take the key out of the car. All of my cars warn immediately if the key is take out. I can even trigger the warning my holding the key out of the window.

I know this guy is a comedian and he may just be making a video for comedy’s sake, because it’s unlikely that anyone was able to drive away while ignoring all of the “key not in car” warnings.