I look at a lot of Craigslist listings for cars when doing research for Project Car Hell and/or potential 24 Hours Of LeMons racers, and it's ice-water-in-Hell refreshing to find a seller who's honest about his or her Hell Project.

This '71 Capri's seller avoids any sort of sugar-coating in the car's description, which makes sense for a 600-buck heap of a European Ford (go here if the listing disappears). We see no mention of the words "classic," "diamond in the rough," "rare," or any of the other tell-tale warning signs of the true Hell Project. Instead, we get this:

This is an abomination. Some sick and twisted individual stuck a 1972 2 liter engine in a 1971 body. The body wants the exaust on the other side, but it didn't happen... along with several other things. Much to my dismay we managed to milk about 300,000 miles outta this piece o' crap. Along the way it got hardened valve seats (ex. only), some body work and paint, a good FoMoCo alternator with external regulator, decent radiator and tires. This car will challenge your mechanical abilities. These were disposable cars to begin with, and if you aren't a mechanic now, you will become one. (Like I did.) The fuel mileage was around 28ish, it's easy to tune up, and you won't need to smog it. The interior sucks, the only notable here is the Kenwood stereo which plays cassettes. La Ti Da! Obviously I will have to sell this heap with a junk title, which means you, the ambitious buyer, are going to have make it pass a safety inspection. Which means you will have to fix the brakes, which means the rotors will have to be replaced, a rebuilt caliper put on the left front... Diddle with the wiring for the lights...
Car is non-op, and the fees are current.
Photos are from 11/11/2009. Do not let them fool you! Just like pictures people put on their internet dating sites, these look much better than the reality. This car is a pig!!!

On the plus side... hmmmm, there is no plus side.

So if your kid has too much free time, needs a cheap car, loves autoshop, knows which end of a sparkplug goes in the radiator, and he/she really pissed you off by wrecking your favorite car; buy him/her this troll. Price is somewhat negotiable, but don't get your hopes up too high. I need the dough for counseling after owning this pile for so long.

We think this listing needs to be nominated for Best Of Craigslist, so tell all your friends to vote for it! Thanks to the half-dozen LeMons racers who sent this tip to me.