Transport Revolution! The Great Hoverchair of San Pedro!

Illustration for article titled Transport Revolution! The Great Hoverchair of San Pedro!

Despite what y'all think, we at Jalopnik to do not spend our days tearing around in Torino Talladegas playing the Angry Samoans at high volume, outrunning the Los Angeles Police Department and California Highway Patrol, mowing down sidewalk fruit stands and supping on the finest lobster bisque at sunset on the beach with Jodie Kidd on one arm and Sabine Schmitz on the other as the sun drops behind Catalina. We haven't even illicitly airbrushed a Viking mural on the side of an Isuzu I-Mark in nigh on three months. No, mostly we just sit around and look for things to write about. Now and then, to clear our head and purchase a refreshment and/or snack, we walk the half-block to the bodega. This afternoon, we stumbled upon it: The Great Hoverchair of San Pedro, a previously-thought-mythical device designed to ease Angelenos' commuting woes somewhere in the early 1990s.


Rumors abound about this mysterious machine, the intial prototype of which was allegedly constructed by Horacio Stanjovic-Foutopolis around the time of George H.W. Bush's re-election campaign. Apparently quashed by some serious hush money from oil interests in nearby Wilmington, the Hoverchair ran on an interesting organic fuel that could be easily synthesized by utilizing ingredients from cheese tamales and egg rolls, although an extra tablespoon of MSG was required for the machine to keep up with traffic on the Harbor Freeway and shortened its range to a mere 475 miles. Suddenly we feel like Indiana Jones or the Knights of the Round Table. Holy grail, kids. Holy freakin' grail.

The Day The World Turned Day-Glo/Lost Cars of the Boat People of San Pedro [Internal]



I had a chair much like that one literally fall off the back of a truck in front of my house. No, really. I put it out front for a while, but nobody took it. So I put it in the basement. A year later I gave it to the thrift store.

Now, I realize I gave up the most significant invention of our time.

That truck was probably running from OPEC.