In this week's episode of Top Gear, Jeremy Clarkson takes a JDM Nissan GT-R for a bit of a race against a Japanese Bullet Train holding Hammond and May — with both going coast-to-coast to Tokyo. The winner and the rest of the show re-cap below the jump. And yes, it's a spoiler, so if you're still waiting to watch it, don't even think of going there.


As you'd expect — they both got lost. But, as you'd also expect, the GT-R beat the boys in public transit — by 3 minutes and 12 seconds.

But, despite the win, Clarkson struggled to love the GT-R — the way it looks, the way it drives and for being "without soul." He just "...wished it would — at road speeds — run its hand down my pants and give it a little rummage."


But, in addition to Godzilla, Clarkson took the world's most beautiful car on earth* — the Alfa Romeo 8C Competizione — around the Top Gear track and thought it was absolute rubbish. While that may or may not be the case, we're in total agreement with Clarkson on at least one thing: "Buying this car for it's dynamic abilities is like buying a porn film for its plot." We couldn't agree more, Jezza.

*As judged by myself, of course.

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