Tony Hawk Is Officially Too Famous To Rent A Car

By  Michael Ballaban

Tony Hawk, contrary to popular belief, does not skateboard everywhere he goes. That is simply a vicious rumor spread by Big Skateboard. In real life, Tony Hawk sometimes rents a car. Or rather, he tries to rent a car. Unless he's refused. Because he's Tony Hawk.

I mean, I'd probably be in the same boat, if I was working at the rental car counter in some dreary airport outside Des Moines or wherever Tony Hawk takes his vacations (gotta be Des Moines). Just an endless list of names to be paired with the requisite Nissan Sentras, Chevy Malibus, and Dodge Journeys, all lined up in a row with conspicuous crumbs in the seat cushions and not a single extraneous option in sight.

The names are all variants of names you would see everywhere. Bill Smith. Yolanda Vega. Dr. Trentington Outhouse. Salami Blessing.

And then a truly unusual name stands out from the crowd – Tony Hawk. No, not a particularly fancy bird, but the world-famous skateboarder. "Someone," I'd think at my sad rental counter outside Des Moines, "is messing with me."

So I, like you, would just instantly delete it from the list.

Unless it's really Tony Hawk, standing there in the line like a real human person instead of the CeLeB that he is. Which is exactly what happened:

Yes, "Tony Hawk" sometimes really IS Tony Hawk. Renting a car, like a person would. Not being disassembled and beamed thousands of miles away, as the truly famous tend to be nowadays.

And lest you doubt his tale, Tony confirmed that it is, indeed, real:

We just hope it wasn't too real. Those Dodge Journeys can be rough.

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