If there’s one thing I know about Australia, it’s that if something has a motor, someone will find a way to hoon it, and then someone else will find a way to complain about it. Such is the fate of what the Aussies call “tinny bashing:” hilarious acts of speed and spray. It’s like dank wheelies for boats, bro.
“Tinny,” of course, refers to a small outboard boat often made of metal, although basically anything with an outboard motor can be hooned. In true hoon fashion, there are numerous news reports bemoaning tinny bashing’s outlaw and potentially unsafe manner in news outlets your mother probably reads to feel terrified.
For example, take a look at the Daily Mail’s exaggerated pearl-clutching description:
Daredevil boating hoons are dicing with death and menacing locals in a dangerous new social media craze.
The Tinny Bashing Facebook page features dozens of videos of thrillseeking teenagers hurtling down Gold Coast canals and pulling off dangerous stunts as crowds cheer them on.
Dicing with death! It wouldn’t be true hoonage if someone wasn’t complaining about everything that can go wrong.
That being said, some Gold Coast fishermen, kayakers and other waterway enthusiasts have legitimate complaints about tinny bashers being inconsiderate with their hoonage, however, as Gold Coast Fishing Fanatics’ Peter Ker explains to the Gold Coast Bulletin:
We have had enough of these delinquents harassing people by driving dangerously, spraying people and speeding in six-knot zones.
This group of obnoxious boys must be stopped.
Hey, now—that’s not fair! I see women in these videos, too.
The nexus of the craze appears to be a Facebook group called—what else—Tinny Bashing, where videos of sick rad boat stunts and fails are posted for the world to see. A member of the group even told the Gold Coast Bulletin that he had dealt with the cops numerous times, but “we know right from wrong.” ‘K!
It doesn’t always end in a graceful nose-up, either. The fail videos are righteous on their own.
Naturally, the hoons seem to embrace their critics, working outraged news reports into some of their mashup videos.
Of course, hot, fast tinny speed doesn’t always have to be an outlaw activity. There’s a whole organized competition unsurprisingly sponsored by Red Bull called the Dinghy Derby that evolved out of Aussies’ need for nautical speed, where these little boats whiz through tiny channels at insane break-neck, flip-boat speeds.
Bless you, commercial interests, and your deep pockets of caffeinated cash.