This May Be The Best Sentence In A Car Ad Ever

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Modern muscle cars are better, faster, meaner, more efficient, and more advanced than ever, but they sure take themselves so freaking seriously all the time. That wasn't always the case. Looking at this 1968 Barracuda ad, you can see there was once a healthy serving of batshit in muscle car advertising.

In addition to the acid-trip illustration there, just listen to this first, glorious sentence of the ad:

So you're coming up to the Christmas tree and the exhaust is going bappetybappety-bappetybappety and all those little internal bits are going whumpawhumpawhumpa-whump and you're out to grind the sound barrier into bite-sized equations with your howling' Barracuda.


Holy shit, that's fantastic. "Grind the sound barrier into bite-sized equations?" Who wrote this thing? Can I get a Pulitzer prize made of candy and sex sent over to this guy (or girl) right now, with my mind? Because they sure as hell deserve it.


Here's the tagline from the 2015 Challenger site: American Muscle Grows Stronger. That, versus grind the sound barrier into bite-sized equations. One reads like the headline to the American Journal of Osteo-Muscularics and the other sounds like something a rocket-powered sexbot tells you before she grabs you and takes you through the wormhole to Dimension Fireblast.

I think we all need to chant bappetybappety-bappetybappety and reflect on who we really want to be.