I can’t really say I’m a huge fan of the Fast and Furious series of movies, which seem to be about a group of strangely superhuman meatheads who pull all manner of improbable and wildly overcomplicated heists in a universe like ours, but with significantly altered laws of physics. Also, they like to say the word “family” with a whole lot of gravity, probably while making uncomfortable eye contact. You know what might make me like them more? If they had more Ford Model Ts.
Yes, let’s take a moment to imagine what it would be like if, instead of the beefy Chargers, various supercars, JDM monsters, and other fast, showy motorbeasts, these movies were populated with spindly, black, 20-horsepower Tin Lizzies?
To make this fever-dream feel more real, I fed the necessary specs for America’s first real mass-produced car into the Jalopnik Mainframe (a Mattel Aquarius soaking in a “data broth” of transistors and clam chowder) and gave it the torrent information to download all the films.
The result were these screencaps, and I think you’ll find that a Model T-enhanced Fast and Furious series vastly improves the series.
Here, look for yourself! Should we try it as a slideshow? Sure, why not:
I guess if you want them all in a post, I can do that, too. Pixels are free!
I’m not saying it solves all of the movies’ issues, but you do have to admit things would be a lot more exciting if there was always a chance of a wooden-spoked wheel exploding into toothpicks, and instead of having to fake 17 shift points in an automatic, you could get plenty of physical driving action watching Vin Diesel attempt to properly set the spark advance lever on a Model T steering column.
I’d definitely give the Fast and Furious movies another chance if all the hero cars were the ones that your midwestern uncle’s friend who used to work for the railway has in his garage.