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This Is The First Electric Popemobile

Illustration for article titled This Is The First Electric Popemobile

Pope Benedict XVII, often called the Green Pope, is living up to his name and reputation thanks to his new, all-electric Popemobile, which was presented to him earlier this week.


The Popemobile is based on the electric Renault Kangoo Van ZE, but heavily modified to meet the Pope's special requirements, which include a large, glassed-in area at the rear, a full bar, and an integrated Playstation 3 setup. I may have made up the last two.

This Popemobile, unlike ones provided by traditional Popemobile supplier Mercedes-Benz (though there have been others) is not bulletproofed, since it's primarily for use only in the Pope's Papal Playground of Castel Gandolfo. According to the internet in my head, this is also the location where noted wizard Gandalf the Grey lives, and he and the Pope are said to be great friends, often playing day-long games of FIFA Football 12 on the Pontiff's ever-present Playstation 3.


Like every Pope since Pius X, Popes have been required to be excellent drivers, and are must prove themselves on every new vehicle they receive. For the proving process, Pope Benedict XVI took the Kangoo to the Nürburgring Nordschleife, where he clocked a very respectable time (considering the vehicle and that the Pope is 85) of 12:41.

It's worth noting that the Pope's choice of vehicle is markedly different from his Coptic counterpart, Coptic Pope Shenouda III, who regularily drives a vintage 1971 Ford Mustang Mach 1, painted in the traditional Coptic Pope colors of Fireapple Red and Midnight Black.

(Sources: Sydney Morning Herald Drive, and I made up a whole bunch of stuff because I'm feeling a little loopy.)

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If I was Pope I would want a stripped out trophy truck as my pope-mobile. I'd rip through Rome like a pope out of hell, downshifting whenever possible to make as much noise as possible. I'm the fucking Pope, what are they going to do about it? I'd also install a stereo so I can blast 36 Chambers as loudly as possible.

"Oh but Pope, you need bullet proof glass so you don't get shot." Fuck that, you want to kill me you have to catch me yo.

I'm the dope Pope the fly pontiff

you picking up what I'm putting down?

I rip through Rome like I own the town,

divine intervention homie don't act like you know me,

I rock a fly ass crib they call it the Baller's Abbey,

Blessed be the father blessed be the son

Mess with me Ill make you the Holy Ghost

Popemobiles goin on a hit and run.