"This Is The BMW That God Would Drive If He Wasn't Busy Doing God Sh*t"

Illustration for article titled "This Is The BMW That God Would Drive If He Wasn't Busy Doing God Sh*t"

You have to admit that 2012 was a truly banner year for Craigslist car ads.

We had the masterpiece that was the unicorn-filled 1995 Pontiac ad, the ad for the '93 Corolla wagon that suggested seriously poor life choices, and just last week, a pair of Miatas so horrendous that even we would be hard pressed to want them.


Now, it looks like one brave Houston man is attempting a last grasp at Craigslist ad glory in 2012, and he's doing it with a turbocharged 1998 BMW M3 that is only for the hardest and most serious of men.

Here are just a few of my favorite excerpts:

Since you cant put regular gas in it, I got you covered. Its like we're in Vietnam and you just got ambushed by Charlie. Don't worry, friend, I've got your fcking back and I'll blow charlie and his corvette to kingdom fcking come.

This motherfcker is the BMW that God would drive if he wasn't busy doing God sh*t like making tsunamis and crap. Its set up to go fast, and go faster. Who doesn't like to go fast?! Terrorists, thats who. Are you a terrorist? No? Then you need this car.

You like going fast? Ever tried to outrun 24 police cars and 3 helicopters? You need this car. It will go so fcking fast that you may very well go back in time. Ole' Marty and Doc don't have a chance with that stupid Delorean. It happened to me once. Just once, and it was scary.

Handling? This car handles CRAZY. Sway-barbarian sway bars, polyurethane bushings front and rear, koni shocks, drilled/slotted rotors, braided brake lines........ It goes around corners like the devil himself is chasing you, and not give a fck.

This M3 is probably the fastest BMW in Texas, and one of the fastest BMW's in the country.

The seller notes that he's willing to trade for your wife or daughter, provided you offer up a picture of her first. Seems like a reasonable dude.

Also, it has fold-down back seats, which is nice when you need to haul stuff.

This '98 M3 that none of us can handle has a pretty low-for-its-age 66,000 miles and is going for $19,000. What say we, Jalops? Nice price or crack pipe?


Update: As a few of you pointed out, this ad totally ripped off a Craigslist ad for a 1990 Nissan Skyline that ran last year! Way to be lame and unoriginal, bro.


Photo credit Craigslist

Thanks for the tip LeadfootYT!



Thats my car. The reason why I haven't just "lifted its skirt" for the world to see, is because it's a sleeper. I guarantee its horsepower, and the legitimacy of the car. Yes, I borrowed a few pieces from other ads I admit, but it was still funny to read. The car runs low 10's, and is stupid fun to drive.

A few notes-

- 4 doors do not have 'vader seats from the factory.

-The back seat organizer is not ripped.

-Any picture you want is available to people who are genuinely interested.

-Its kind of like a motorcycle- most people wont let you ride it until you have the money in your hand. You never know the skill of the person who wants to drive/ride your stuff..... and this car is a HANDFUL to drive. It would suck to have someone wrap your car into a curb if they didn't know how to drive and just walk away.... know what I mean?

Let me know if I can help ya'll with it :)