Roaming the rows of my favorite self-service junkyard in scintillating Hayward, California, I caught sight of an 80s Caddy with hasps and padlocks on the driver's side doors. Now, that's something you see from time to time, but I wasn't prepared for what I saw on the other side of the car...

Yes, long steel straps riveted over both doors! With cable locks string through the window openings to boot! We must assume the trunk has a bear trap ready to snap its rusty jaws shut on would-be intruders.

Each of this Cad's four doors features its own hasp-and-lock rig. The owner, no doubt a man of steely resolve when it comes to resisting the forces of lawlessness that have us locked in a slow-motion collapse of civilization, et freakin' cetera, realized that The Scum might be equipped with bolt-cutters. So, really, this isn't overkill- it's a rational response to one's environment. So back the hell off before I have to split your dome with this tire iron!


I'm pretty sure this car's former owner has guns strapped all over his body, Travis Bickle style, and he's not happy that The Man towed his car. No, he's not.