It's rare that a car being sold on eBay motors causes you to question your fundamental character, but this one absolutely does. The car is a 1975 Porsche 911. With an engine swap. The engine swapped in the back of that 911 is a — hold on, I need to take a moment. Okay. It's from a Toyota Echo.
For most rational people, the first response is similar to what you'd have seeing a tattooed baby doing a short, baby-sized line of coke off the chest of an Elmo doll. It's wrong. Not even normal wrong — it's a strange, perverse wrong that defies logic, reason, and centuries of human cultural development.
Which is why I'm so disturbed how much I like it.
Now, let me be absolutely clear — there is nothing to actually like here. Sure, the 911 has some sort of body kit to emulate the 'slantnose' body style available in very limited quantities starting in 1981, it has new tires, and is generally in reasonable shape. But around back the legendary air-cooled flat-6 has been replaced by Toyota's 1NZ-FE engine. That swap would give the car right about half the original engine size and about 150 less HP, minimum. It's like the exact opposite of a sleeper. A car that looks fast but is actually slower than a Sunday Quaker meeting.
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The swap actually looks pretty clean, with the radiator plumbed relative unobtrusively to the side of the engine and some custom engine mount work done. It's a decent job, which is like complimenting a vet on their stitch-work after transplanting a gerbil heart into a horse.
Oh, and I should mention the seller is asking $30,000 for this thing, a price which must mean that if you looked right into the seller's eyes, you'd actually see spirals, a side effect of the rampant, full-blown bonkersism that's ravaging this poor bastard's body and mind. Also, one of the pictures has a scary-looking assault rifle propped up against this oddly handicapped Porsche, so be careful when you head out to test drive this non-monster.
So, again, why do I like this horrible thing?
It's perverse, I know, but for a long time I've been fascinated with the idea of the 'gelding' — swapping high-output engines from sports/muscle cars and replacing them with the most gutless, anemic engines imaginable.
Maybe it's because it's the exact polar opposite of everything a good engine swap is supposed to be, or maybe its the punk-rockish delight to be had by knowing that there's thousands of hardcore, smug, and occasionally insufferable Porsche fans writhing in disgust just knowing this car exists.
And I don't mean to pick on just Porsche people — pretty much any single-marque enthusiast group would be the same way. If this 107 HP Echo engine was stuck in a BMW M5 or something, it'd be the same.
But just imagine the twisted joy to be had if you owned this car, got the body fixed up really nicely, got that interior cleaned and detailed until it was perfect, and then took it to a Porsche show. Once that engine lid was opened, you can just imagine the din of shocked sighs and the clatter of monocles hitting the ground in disgust and horror.
I mean, sure, it'd be horrible, but it would also be kind of amazing, because it's the perfect reminder to not take things so seriously.
It's so wrong. So wonderfully, horribly wrong.