High on the remote Colorado plains known as South Park sits a few hundred acres of ranchland and a car collection of one man that numbered 1,000 vehicles. After years of frustrated selling, his widow has called in the crushers. Your move, hippies.
The collector, James Gardner, died in 2006, but not before spreading hundreds of old American cars across
his 2,700-acre ranch; the dots in the photo below gathered like ants along a trail of sugar are vehicles as seen from space. His wife Amanda Woodbury has made several attempts to interest collectors in pawing through the remains — building a blog, getting an article in Old Car Weekly, and taking a lot of photographs.
But Woodbury, who by her own word "is not a car gal," has found a lack of buyers willing to make the trek to western Colorado for whole cars, and doesn't care to be in the mail order pick-n-pull parts business. Hence the call to salvage teams and collectors, in an announcement best read in Eric Cartman's voice:
The owner has decided that enough is ENOUGH, and is conducting the Phooey Special! All vehicles, trucks, tractors, other items under 5 tons weight $1500 your choice. Some with titles, some without. CASH ON THE BARRELHEAD, no monkey business, no malarkey. Scrappers get lost, contract has been signed. HURRY! First come first served. As is where is. YOU LOAD YOU HAUL! Price goes DOWN to $1200 on August 15th, DOWN again to $900 on August 25th and bottoms out at $600 on September 4th. THE CRUSHER IS COMING and gets everything, that is EVERYTHING September 14th, including your favourite if you don't ACT NOW! You snooze, you lose. The cows want to eat GRASS, not iron!
The high point of Woodbury's site may be a mostly complete 1957 Oldsmobile Holiday Special, with a current bid of $2,300; hundreds of other old American vehicles seemed to have weathered the high plains with aplomb. If you go shopping, we'd suggest the negotiations will go smoother with respect for authority and a bag of Cheezy Poofs.
Hat tip to Buckner!