Image credit: Airplane!

If you were to ask me, I would say that the worst part about traveling is the actual traveling part. I hate flying. I hate airports and I mostly dislike planes. But if we want to go anywhere in a reasonably short amount of time, flying is the way to do it, I suppose.

Of course, that doesn’t mean crazy shit can’t happen. In fact, it seems like crazy shit happens to you people all the time! It actually makes me feel better because none of my experiences have even come close to being this insane.


Last week, I asked you guys for your most terrible airplane stories. I got a few hundred responses—with many of them involving vomit. Lucky us!

Check out these tales.

Infants Eat Caesar Salad, Right? (posigrade)

Just wait until he’s 16 to start traveling again, man.

Vomit Train (GoalieLax)

The fish! Bad fish!

Thank You, US Airways (SmugAardvark)

Actually, this turned out quite well.

Vacant (Doodee312)

Or... not?

Halleluja! (Bill Griffith)

If flying makes you feel closer to God, then by all means.

Dammit, Bob (AscendingZ)

What are you trying to pull?

It’s Getting Hot In Here (subiefamilyguy)

And this woman is drunk as shit.

Lick! (Yuranium)

What, you don’t like being licked?

Plane Outta Gas (TheBlightOfGrey)

Just put in 10 bucks, we’ll make it.

Brake Fire (C-5M Load Smasher)

On the big and beautiful C-5B.

And DROP! (Thunder)

Like, very big drops.

Wrong Doha (TooManyCars,TooLittleTime)

Oh, you meant the other one, ohh...

Male Flight Attendant Tried To See My Penis (Andrew)

Just... what?

What Is That Smell? (tiltz)

Make sure your mask is secure before assisting others.

Babies On A Plane (Jacou)

Or, more specifically, inconsiderate parents.

Nobody Barfed! (ScottsMerkin)

Except for the First Officer.

Bobby Age 5 (KartRacer)

My literal nightmare.

Who Needs Wheels Anyways? (fortneja)

They are so overrated.