I go to a very fratty college. I see a lot of chillbrodudes in Croakies, pink shorts, and backwards fraternity caps drivin' big SUVS. That got me thinking: "What constitutes the ultimate fratmobile?" In search for answers, I interviewed some of the chillest, most brotastic dudes on campus.

The fratbros I came across were wearing at least one, if not two polo shirts (popped collars, of course). They were also all wearing Vineyard Vines, whatever the hell that is. These guys were undoubtedly certified chilldudes. After talking to as many of these fratbros as I could before losing vital brain cells, I came away with the following list of essential fratmobile characteristics:


1. The car has to be able to "Carry tons of Srat Stars and still have enough room for a set of golf clubs." I did some research, and that apparently means that the vehicle must have sufficient interior volume to carry multiple attractive female companions whilst maintaining ample space for a set of golf clubs. Note to self: Srat Star = girl.

2. The vehicle must "be able to carry shit loads of Natty," which, I later found out, was a beer.

3. Last, but not least, the car must "Be manly enough to make chicks get...." Sorry, but I wasn't able to hear the rest of this quote over "Sweet Caroline," which was blastin' over the bro's "sweet new system." I think the rest of the sentence had something to do with sexual intercourse, because the guy was making really strange motions with his hands. Anyway, after this interview, I got the hell out of there.


With valuable information in hand, and after teaching myself how to read and write again, I came up with the following list of ultimate fratmobiles:

1.) Toyota 4Runner (Toybrota 4Runner)

I remember the first time I got "nerded." I was walking back from the chemistry building on a Saturday night. Content that I had just gotten a solid eight hours of studying done, I was in a good mood. So when a Toyota 4runner pulls up to me asking for directions, I was happy to help. "Do you know where Clemson Library is?" he asked. "This guy must be from out of town," I thought, because he totally got the name wrong. "It's Clemons Lib"- that's when I was cut off to what, among fratbros, is known as "The Nerd." "NERD!!!" he yelled as I responded to his query, and he drove off in haste. The next day I came to class and told my friends about it. "Oh god, you were 'nerded,'" they said in horror.

Anyway, long story short, "nerding" is when you pull up to someone who is wearing a backpack (usually at night on a weekend during prime partying time), ask them where the library is, but you intentionally mispronounce the name. When they correct you, cut them off and yell "nerd!!" and drive off. I came to realize that this "nerding" thing was happening a lot and that a Toyota 4runner in the hands of a fratbro is like a scalpel in the hands of a surgeon. These 4runner equipped fratbros can "nerd" students with genuine finesse.

Photo Credit: Lewis

2.) Land Rover Range Rover (Land Brover Range Brover)

The supercharged Range Rover Sport was built to be driven by famous actors and athletes. It's as much a status symbol as any vehicle on the road today. It's big, brutish, and screams: "My parents have money."

Photo Credit: NetCarShow

3.) Jeep Grand Cherokee (Jeep Grand Cherbrokee)

The Jeep Grand Cherokee started out as a bit of a poshmobile. From the day Bob Lutz drove it into Cobo Hall through a plate of glass at the 1992 Detroit Auto Show, it was destined for the garages of lawyers, bankers, politicians, and, most notably, fratbros. Whether you own a ZJ, WJ, WK, or WK2, you are fully equipped to turn your hat backwards, throw on some pastel shorts, and get fratty. Grand Cherokees have plenty of space to carry kegs and women. The rear seat folds flat, which is a good thing if you want to throw your bike in the back (ifyaknowwhatimean).

Photo Credit: NetCarShow

4.) Chevrolet Tahoe (Chevrolet Tahbro)

The Chevy Tahoe has the most interior volume of any vehicle on this list. It's a behemoth. Its size represents toughness, masculinity, and dominance. It's also capable of swallowing kegs like it's nobody's business.

Photo Credit: NetCarShow

5.) Jeep Wrangler Unlimited

This one is interesting because, unlike most of the other vehicles on the list, the Wrangler is far from a luxurious, refined ride. In 2-door guise, I really wouldn't call it a fratmobile, but with the introduction of the JK Unlimited for model year 2007, the Jeep took on a whole new audience. Well over 50 percent of all Wranglers sold today are 4-doors. They've reached new markets, and among them, is the fratbro market.

Photo Credit: NetCarShow

What do you guys think? What are some other quintessential fraternity cars?

Top Photo Credit: Kate Skegg