These Are The Most Woke Cars

The Solterra seems like a strong contender for most woke, but I think it gets disqualified for lack of numbers. You always hear about the woke mob, and I haven’t seen more than one Solterra at a time since the press launch.

Submitted by: ItsDeke

Obviously the Amphicar

Oh wait - I thought you meant wake.

Oh, you. If anyone owns an Amphicar and wants to let me wakeboard behind it, though, please let me know. That would rule.

Submitted by: thisismyid2

How ‘bout the General Grant:

Let’s go baby, Union undefeated Civil War champs. Also, blue is just a better color than the General Lee’s shade of orange.

Submitted by: Serolf Divad

The Dodge Trans-Van, for when your transness needs to go camping. ♥ Pairs well with a Pontiac Firebird Trans-Am. Just delete the hyphen to create Trans, Am.

I’m saddened to see nobody has restored a Trans-Van into trans colors.

No one’s restored a Trans Van into trans colors, yet. You and me, Mercedes, we’ve got this. I think that project would make for a fantastic crossover episode.

Submitted by: Mercedes Streeter

These, because of all of the caffeine. Duh.

It’s honestly kind of amazing that NOS Energy Drink never did a setup like this. It’s an entirely car-based brand, and they never had a car this memorable?

Submitted by: Cayde-6's Unloaded Dice

An irreverent question which deserves a flippant answer:

God, car design got busy in the ’60s, huh? What’s this whole chrome vent thing that’s happening on the hood of this La Femme? This would be such an easy car to vinyl wrap into a Klingon cosplay.

Submitted by: Earthbound Misfit I

RuPaul’s 1979 Volvo 242?

RuPaul is also disqualified from competition due to the fracking. It doesn’t get a whole lot less woke than that.

Submitted by: Knyte

How about work trucks? No not trucks used to shuttle little Billy and Emma to their soccer games, but real work trucks.

Used to build/repair houses whose mortgage interest is subsidized by the government (taxpayers). Or used to build bridges, roads, other public works projects funded by the government (taxpayers). Or used to build commercial properties many of whom might be getting tax breaks.

And then of course there are the trucks themselves, which are heavily subsidized in the form of less taxes for the business owner...

‘Guv’ment, keep yer hands off meh work truck,’ that you helped pay for.

BTW...I am not arguing against any of these subsidies.

That’s all before we even get into the subsidies on the oil and gas industry, or the fact that roadgoing vehicles are taxed and inspected and registered with the gubmint.

Submitted by: iblameRichardScarry

TransSport

This won’t be the last time you see Pontiac on this list, so keep an eye out. Maybe that’s why the brand was killed off in the recession. GM knew the Woke Wars were coming.

Submitted by: dustynnguyendood

If by “Woke”, you mean “Technically correct but so insufferably smug about it that the point becomes secondary”, then the initial answer would be the Toyota Prius.

You know the one, it’s trundling along in the fast lane at 5-10 under the limit because they’re hypermiling, blissfully unaware of the ever-growing line of frustrated drivers stacking up behind them because they’re focused on the Instant MPG on the dash and besides, what’s behind you doesn’t matter.

I say that’s the initial answer because it’s eventually one-upped when they get stuck behind a bicycle oozing its way along, saving the world by tripling the commute times of everyone foolish enough to drive a CAR on the ROAD.

Not only is the Prius using less fuel, it’s also frustrating drivers behind it into wishing there was an alternative way to commute — say, a train, or a bus, or literally anything more efficient. This is a very solid contender.

Submitted by: TRath

That would be Mattel’s beach buggy from the 1970s.

In yellow it was Malibu Barbie’s Sun-N-Fun Beach Buggy.

Color it blue, and it becomes Big Jim’s backwoods action buggy.

And I have them both in my collection.

The Barbie buggy is a must-have for Barbie collectors. I’ve received dozens of threats from the Barbie crazies for not selling it to them, so I had to invest in a safe and increase my homeowners’ policy.

Big Jim, which was basicaslly Ken on steroids, was Mattel’s answer to Hasbro’s GI Joe. You can guess how that battle ended.

I’ll be honest, IDM3: You’ve got me here. I have no earthly idea what makes this buggy woke.

Submitted by: IDM3

Willys MB Jeep.

The official and original car of Antifa.

Skeffles, I hope you appreciate how many emails I’m going to get for including this one. Please, as always, direct all nice messages to adasilva@jalopnik.com and all angry ones to akalmowitz@jalopnik.com.

Submitted by: skeffles

Mitsubishi Mirage, the cars come in a whole rainbow of colors! And rainbows are for the wokes

A press photo, of a non-performance car, in a color! Well I’ll be, it is still legal to sell cars in tones other than gray. Plus, the Mirage is a small hatchback, which are widely known to be a little you know.

Submitted by: LeftyLooseyGoosey

According to my dad, the Golf? I remember telling my dad I liked these as a teen and he (mostly jokingly) said they were for gay guys. He pointed to this commercial as proof...two dudes driving around together on a Sunday afternoon, antiquing.

The homophobic mind fascinates me. “Two men in one car? What’re they, gay?” Maybe! Or maybe they’re roommates, or friends, or relatives, or coworkers, or literally any other dynamic that puts them in proximity with each other for the duration of a 63-second commercial.

Submitted by: SantaCruzin6

Very much appreciate the tongue-in-cheekiness of the post, Amber.

As you didn’t specify any particular era, may I offer up the...

The Pontiac Trans Am sure am trans, huh? Plenty of people — including the Reddit artist whose photo made it into Wellgruntled’s comment — have made this link before. You can get tee shirts (which I do now think I need for video wardrobe), posters, I even own the One Hell Of A Town trans pride Trans Am sticker from the store’s Trevor Project donation drive.

Unfortunately, I needed images I was allowed to use for this post, so I had to go make a trans pride livery Trans Am in Forza just to take my own screenshots. That’s why it looks bad, if you were wondering. I’m a writer, not a livery designer.

Submitted by: wellgruntled