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These Are The Evil Cars That Tried To Kill You

Illustration for article titled These Are The Evil Cars That Tried To Kill You
CountersteerYour true stories of good and bad things that happen in cars.

Ideally, cars are there to make us feel safe. Their metal shells are designed to cocoon us, cloister us from the physical dangers of the outside world while traveling at speed. Sometimes, this doesn’t always happen.


Last week, in the spirit of Halloween, I asked you for the cars that tried to kill you. Rolling deathtraps or otherwise were acceptable.


Fortunately, I haven’t had much exposure with murderous cars, though I will say that the closest brush with death came with riding in the back of sweet Mike Ballaban’s Yugo.

He put former Foxtrot Alpha writer Terrell J. Starr in the front seat, Jalopnik ace technology reporter Ryan Felton and myself in the backseat before climbing into the driver’s seat himself. There were no seat belts for us poor souls in the back.

The 2.5-mile drive to dinner through Manhattan traffic was terrifying on its own. The Yugo’s short stance and thin metal frame felt like it would crumple like a Coke can if even a shopping cart hit it. Thankfully, we reached the restaurant without incident and it was only afterwards that we discovered that it also didn’t have functional rear brakes. Fun!

And I still asked for a ride home.

Anyway, your turn.

Lemon (Maha)

The things you pick up moving to a new country.


Brakes (dbeach84)

Who needs ‘em?


Vista Cruiser! (Osmodious)

Are you secretly Red Forman?


Pontiac (ZackKlapman)

But the paint was nice...!


Spirit (ThatWhiteRabbit)

“I won’t break your bones, but I will break you.”


Viper (Mr.Rogers)

Still love them, though.


Quiet Ones (Shanghai61)

Those are the ones you have to watch out for.


Repeated Offenses (MikeofLA)

Sold it, out of sight and out of mind.


Harley (slicks30)

Got out of there quick.


Fool Me Once (John Static)

Fool me four times, though.


Recipe For Disaster (Brad Landers)

But oh so fun.


Laughing Car (Chairman Kaga)

Final Destination XI: Super Beetle.


RX-7 (Driven233)

Maybe it was jealous.


Quick Thinking (Marco R)

And you learned to drive on this thing?


Come Back Later (Alejandro)

Things will be better.


No Wipers (JCragCrumple)

Seeing is overrated.

Writer at Jalopnik and consumer of many noodles.

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That's BRZ fast

Why am I not surprised that the first 2 are early 90's K-cars

I was a senior in a country-bumpkin highschool, so we did what you do when you have a free day in 2002 when gas was still about $1.10/gal - you drove on backroads at ludicrous speed with all your friends jamming to Limp Bizkit.

This brings back so many memories. I’m a ‘02 grad, had a ‘93 Dodge Spirit. Probably the same green as your shadow.