These Are The Dumbest Things You've Heard People Say About Cars

Honestly, most of the dumbest stuff I’ve ever heard about cars comes from enthusiasts and is best summed up as “there’s only one way to enjoy cars, and that’s my way.”

Do yourself a favor. Go to your garage, find a big pair of pliers and... pull the bug out of your ass. Loosen up. Drive a car that isn’t enthusiast approved, and drive it like it was meant to be driven, not like a BMW. Drive a car that makes commuting easier and see how that makes you feel. Drive an automatic and realize that literally no one cares if you drive an automatic except you. Drive a buick. Drive a CUV. Drive a prius. And drive them all the way they were meant to be driven... Learning that there’s more ways to drive than just the enthusiast approved ways to drive will open up your world in ways you can only imagine.

It’s ok to say, I deserve to be comfortable and to be able to do a 7 hour drive without feeling like I just ran a marathon. It’s OK to say, yeah, I really don’t want to “feel the road” because the road is a poorly maintained piece of garbage. It’s OK to say, I want my partner not to hate driving with me. :)

Submitted by:Buckfiddiousagain

Listen here, bucko, this is Jalopnik, see? We don’t do none of this “acceptance” bull honkey here. Just kidding, I’m thoroughly heartened to see that this answer was submitted in the first place, let alone received the most love of any comment. Thank you for bringing an ounce of acceptance and rationality to the Jalopnik comment section. There’s room here for all of us, even the ones with bad taste. That’s the beauty of choice!

I still hear people complain about how cars used to be safer because they used more steel. A lot less often than I heard that in 90s, but it still leaves me dumbfounded every so often. They’re not even all boomers, either.

Submitted by: engineerthefuture

Anyone here remember Saturn owners? Not the SC2 guys, but the LW and SL owners. They had some serious doozies of beliefs when it came to cars.

“Saturn was great, I didn’t have to negotiate.”

“That 1.9L is peppier than people know. My car is very quick to 60.”

and the like.

When Saturn folded, guys I knew in the industry immediately wanted it back because those shoppers were now looking at Toyotas and Hondas and our customers were bad enough. When they hit me with the, “Saturn’s fair price meant I didn’t have to negotiate,” I would tell them they were free to pay the price on the window for any car on my lot, no negotiations needed, just let me know which car and I’ll have it cleaned up for them.

Submitted by: PotbellyJoe and 42 others

“Priuses suck.”

No, they don’t, and I’m tired of hearing it.

Priuses are awesome as long as you drive them the way they were intended, which is smooth and steady. It’s purpose-built as a high MPG comfortable daily driver. And in the same way you wouldn’t drive a Jeep wrangler (purpose built as an incredibly capable off-road vehicle) the same way you drive an M3, you can’t drive a Prius like an M3 and expect anything other than the car saying “WTF are you trying to do to me?”

As one of the writers on this site once said, the Prius is a supercar. It’s just not super in any of the ways you’ve been trained to think. It’s super efficient. And I would say in many ways, building an ultra reliable incredibly efficient car that you can drive anywhere you’d drive a regular car without fear for as cheap as toyota has done is a far more impressive achievement than any multiple million dollar hypercar.

The prius doesn’t suck and saying it does is stupid.

Submitted by: Buckfiddiousagain

“Carburetors is better then all that fancy computer controlled nonsense.”

Sure...if you want to mess with it constantly, get worse fuel economy, and fight with it during the cold...or hot....or rainy...or with altitude changes...

My 66 corvette hated every carb I put on it. My 87 bronco was perfectly happy with all of the ones the corvette hated. My 2001 Kawasaki ZRX had 4 carbs that always just happily worked but needed jet changes for different altitudes. The Amals on my 78 Triumph and 73 Alpina were straight up garbage and got replaced with Mikuni’s.

My 89 K5 with the TBI just works, along with every other fuel injected car I’ve owned.

I love tinkering with stuff but there is a point where I just want to turn the key and drive it.

Submitted by: 2nd Gear Start

Years ago, in the aftermath of a snowstorm, I get caught behind someone who can’t make it up a gentle hill because someone decided commuting in their M3 on summer tires was a good idea. I have nothing better to to, so help push them to the top of the hill just to get them out of the way. Just as we finish, one of their coworkers rolls up in a Mercedes ML, and immediately opines “see, that’s why you need AWD!,” nevermind that we’re standing beside my shitbox Hyundai Accent (one of the many non-AWD cars that were having zero issues).

Submitted by: Maymar

Use 93 octane in a car made for 87 octane.

Submitted by: Robert Rio

Years ago I ended up being behind a coworker as we drove to work. When we parked I told them they should refill their blinker fluid since their blinkers didn’t appear to be working. Later that day they asked where to buy it because they couldn’t find it at Autozone.

Submitted by: Artificial Stupidity

Neighbor was talking about a Tesla on our street- they only get 100km per charge, they don’t work at zero c, the batteries need replacing at 10000km and are $200000, the batteries are so toxic they don’t know what to do with them, they are horrible Chinese crap plots- this while praising his Chevy Traxx as ‘murican (sadly he is Canadian)

Submitted by: sklooner

Years ago, I had a new-to-me customer tell me that the cold air intake and stainless steel exhaust he had put on by the local “mod shop” gave him 100 more horsepower in his 2011 Escape 4-cylinder he was getting rid of. As the years have gone on, any time he modified his vehicles, it would come with a similarly ridiculous power claim by him.

Submitted by: FijiST

Any Corvette owner who claims to have some super special model because it was the only blue one made on a Tuesday in April, or whatever.

Submitted by: Knyte

I’m in car sales. Back in 2013 I had a customer come in to test drive a 2005 Jaguar XJ with over 100k miles. I asked what it was they liked about the Jag, they said “Because British cars are the most reliable cars.”

It needed a jump box to get started and sputtered bad. It was an As-Is car, too. They bought it. Weeks later they tried to return it.

Submitted by: ceragan42

“I need a 4WD vehicle EVERY DAY.” No sweetie, you live on Long Island, NY. Its completely flat and it snows once every 3 years. And her SUV was AWD, not 4WD. Don’t even get me started on that.

Submitted by: BlackBelt2010

I once met a crazy lady at the bar who was adamant that, while my Corvette Z06 was nice, it wasn’t as fast as her Saturn Aura. I asked her if she did some kind of radical engine swap to it. Nope, base 4 cylinder. Her logic was that the speedometer went up to 140 mph, making it what she felt was one of the fastest cars available even today. She was so proud of it, I just nodded and agreed.

Submitted by: Patrick Swayzee

Autopilot

Submitted by: Clay_T

I work in advanced electronics. An ex-coworker once said to me “I only own cars that have no computer chips in them because they’ll track me.”

To be fair, he drove a very beat Ford Ranger with a carb and a hole where the head unit would go.

Honorable mention was when I was getting gas in California, and a woman was trying to force a diesel nozzle in her VW (which was not a TDI) when I went over to help her out, she started screaming that she needed to put premium in her tank and it never wants to fit in, so she just... Squirts it into the hole.

She did just that, too. And her car stalled out right as it was turning onto the road. So I went to help her and she said I was a fuel wizard that cursed her car, so I just left.

Submitted by: Mikebola

An in-law once saw water dripping from a car’s exhaust and remarked that the driver must be buying cheap gas that had water in it. (Water is one of the main products of burning gas.)

Submitted by: GoodOneLeroy