Who here likes planets? I know I do—hell, I even live on one! I suspect there’s many fellow planet-enthusiasts out there, which is why I decided to do this: try and find cars named for every planet in our solar system, including our disrespected pal, the dwarf planet Pluto. Aside from a couple of well-known examples, this was trickier than you’d expect.

Since you, my charming, attractive readers are too good for some simple text-based list that a miserable animal could slap out on a keyboard, I made you a chart of my findings:

If you want a link to it nice and big, you can click right here.

By far the best known of these are two now-defunct American car brands, Ford’s Mercury and GM’s Saturn. Mercury also provided a sort-of entry for the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter, the Mercury Meteor.

Oh, and I know it’s only a meteor/meteorite if it enters an atmosphere, geeks, so save it.

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The next reasonably well-known car is probably the Jowett Jupiter, a wonderful little British sports car that used a front-mounted flat-four engine. Earth I had to cheat a bit on, using the Latin name for Earth, which also happens to be the name of a Nissan, the Terra. Not the XTerra like we had, but just Terra, which is a Chinese-market Nissan.

Plunging deeper into obscurity are the only two other series-produced planet-named cars, the early, wicker-bodied British three-wheeled cyclecar called a Mars, built in low numbers from 1904 to 1905, and an appealing German cyclecar/sports car called Pluto, built in the mid-to-late 1920s.

Photo: Jörg Pielmann Collection

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The Pluto was actually named for the Greek god of the underworld, since that whole company lived and died before the planet Pluto was discovered in 1930. The company had a fantastic radiator badge, though, as you can see above.

The remaining planets have to make do with one-offs: Venus gets an interesting fiberglass one-off made by Texans in 1954, and the other gas giants, Uranus and Neptune, both get foreign-named concept cars: the striking Chinese LvCHi Urano concept from this year’s Geneva Motor Show, and a 2009 Renault concept, also quite dramatic, called the Neptun.

Now I’m wondering how many moons have cars that share names? Europa, Titan, Charon, there’s a Phobos in Grand Theft Auto... Dammit. Why do I do this to myself?