These Are 8 Of The Best Cars Of Ozark (So Far)

When I mentioned that I was starting Ozark, someone mentioned that they really loved Ben Davis’ storyline, and I have to admit that it was one of the most devastating ones in the show. The ‘80s van Ben drives around? Exceptional.

Dear God do I hate Frank Jr., and the fact that he tools around in a late-70s Firebird decked out with the screaming chicken is just further proof of his douchebaggery. But did my redneck-muscle-car-loving heart — that part of my soul perpetually decked out in a mullet and cut-off t-shirt — adore this car? Oh, yes. Yes, I did.

Did anyone else absolutely adore Sue? Sure, I’d like my therapist to have a little more integrity and not accept bribe money to sway her advice, but I can respect it in a TV character. When she pulled up to the Byrdes in the brand-new McLaren she bought with her bribe money, I had to pause the show to get my giggles out. For that, it earns a place on this list.

Father, forgive me, but there was once a time where I absolutely hated Ruth Langmore. I think that lasted maybe an episode or two before I saw the light and realized she was the best character in the show. Now I simply wish the show writers would cut her some goddamn slack. Her ratty-ass Caprice was just one of many things that started my warming up to her.

There are several perplexing plot holes in Ozark, but why Buddy would own a Datsun 510 while he was supposedly working at Ford during a notoriously anti-import era of American automotive history is one of those that I can’t answer. But I can say that it’s a glorious machine, so I’m willing to overlook the nonsense.

The Ford Taurus wagon popped in only briefly (remember that scene where Preacher Mason tries to drown his baby? Yeah, that’s the one), but my goodness this car is sick. I only wish we’d gotten to see it more before ol’ Mason went off the rails. The Taurus may have been the only thing keeping me grounded to this worldly life.

As the seasons go on, there are fewer and fewer things I find redeeming about Marty Byrde. The fact that he sticks with this Olds, though, is one of those little redeeming moments. He could have bought something inoffensive, like a 2010 Toyota Camry, and instead he keeps the Olds. I can admire the dedication.

After Mrs. Dermody was hit by the garbage truck, my husband paused Ozark and said, “hold on.” After he rewound, he pointed at the TV. “Chrysler Fifth Avenue,” he announced. Meanwhile, I was still recovering from the trash strike.