Illustration for article titled There Is Still A War On Happy Honda Days

I’m livid. There’s just no way to sugarcoat what is happening in our country today, so I’m just going to come out and say it: there’s a war going on. A war against our fundamental freedoms, our time-honored traditions, our core sets of beliefs. A war on our very happiness. A war on Happy Honda Days.

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I know there’s a war going on because here we are, weeks into the holy period of worship, fellowship, self-reflection and amazing year-end deals on new or used Hondas, and I have yet to have anyone wish me Happy Honda Days.

It’s not like I keep my allegiance to the Faith hidden; Soichiro Honda’s Ghost knows I am a follower, and anyone can see my gold VTEC necklace and know where I stand.

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And yet not once has anyone said anything to me beyond “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas.” It’s maddening. Hold on, I need some good Honda Days carols to calm down:

That’s better.

It’s not like I think my path, the Path Of Soichiro and Takeo, is the only one. Just yesterday I encountered a friend who was a Follower of the Supra and I wished her a warm and prosperous Toyotathon, because I know that no matter if you celebrate Hyundai Holidays or Volkswagen’s Sign Then Drive, or the Chevy Red Tag Sales event or even the Volvonic Wonder of Winter, you have a right to be seen, to have your beliefs respected and acknowledged.

Those of us who follow the Hondeo-Acuran traditions have never had it easy in America, even during the heady days of the Great Accordian Diaspora, when everyone you knew had an Accord and the Great Factory sent her CRXs to guide us through troubled times. Our beliefs and practices have always been looked down upon by mainstream faiths that somehow did not offer incredible deals and incentives, often with dealers offering zero down and 0.9 percent financing for up to 36 months.

Make no mistake, there absolutely is a war on Happy Honda Days happening right now, and it is only with lots of support, amazing deals on 2019 model year Civics, and the guidance of the Great NSX and her Holy Army of Beats that we can get through this.

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We just want to be with our loved ones, tell the stories of the CVCC miracle and how it freed us from the tyranny of the Converter of Catalysts, and have year-end sales blowouts as our ancestors did.

Please don’t be part of the problem. The next time you see someone wearing the Ensquircled H, or you hear someone praising the way Soichiro plumbed air like water to cool the engine of the Honda 1300, take a moment to stop and wish them a Very Happy Honda Days. You’ll be glad you did.

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Just don’t get me started on those filthy Lexusian December to Remember freaks. Those people are heathens.

Senior Editor, Jalopnik • Running: 1973 VW Beetle, 2006 Scion xB, 1990 Nissan Pao, 1991 Yugo GV Plus, 2020 Changli EV • Not-so-running: 1973 Reliant Scimitar, 1977 Dodge Tioga RV (also, buy my book!)

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