The NHTSA ranks crash safety on a scale of one to five, with five stars being the best, one star being the worst. The Tesla Model S just scored 5.4 stars. Yes. It broke the scale.

Tesla says that the Model S did so well because it scored a five in every single possible category and subcategory. And even though the NHTSA doesn't have a rating higher than five, it does record when something exceeds the five star level.

Apparently, because the Model S doesn't have a large thing some people call an "engine" up front. That gives it huge crumple zones to absorb impacts, according to Tesla. The frame is also pretty strong thanks to all the batteries.


Hell, the Model S broke the testing machine for roof crush protection. What the hell is it made of? Boron? What exactly is boron? I don't think anyone knows.

Results like this are more evidence in my theory that Elon Musk might just be a supervillain. He's a billionaire. He has his own space program. He's built a nearly invincible car. My only guess is that the car will be used to transport a legion of some sort of electric warrior to conquer the Earth, or possibly just the east coast.

He's basically Hank Scorpio.