The most notable crimes are often committed by complete morons and total weirdos. Today we have some good-ass, highly entertaining vehicular crime stories I am honored to select and present to you, our glorious readers. These are the 10 strangest car crimes ever committed.

10.) Asshat Attempts To Steals Car Full Of Cops


Granted, it was an unmarked cop car that 25-year-old Joshua Carter had attempted to steal from three law enforcement officers, but come on. It’s not that hard to tell the difference between an unmarked police car and a civilian vehicle. Could someone really be as dumb as the police made this guy out to be?

Suggested By: Brian Silvestro, Photo Credit: Louisiana State Police via Jalopnik


9.) The Wayward Cock On A Putin Critic’s BMW


Well, I guess that’s one way to send a message. One day in early 2014 in Russia when Vladimir Putin critic Katya Romanovskaya went outside, she came to find her BMW 3 Series parked as she left it, but with a 200-pound wooden dick slopped on top of it.

Maybe it was just another angry motorist fed up with the ongoing global tyranny of asshat BMW drivers. Or maybe not.


Suggested By: Margin Of Error, Photo Credit: Persident Roissi Facebook via Jalopnik

8.) Not Everyone Can Afford A Tow

Reckless driving charges are no joke. Unless you’re only facing those charges because you decided to transport a truck on top of your hatchback and drive it down the road, like this very talented Spaniard did. Then it’s kind of a joke.


Suggested By: damnthisburnershitsux

7.) The Bugatti That Was Driven Into A Lake For Insurance Money

What better way to fraudulently total your “$2.2 million” Bugatti Veyron than to drive it directly into a large body of water and cry wolf pelican? Lucky for this dumbass’ insurance company, the whole ordeal was caught on camera. He has since been sued by his insurance company, plead guilty, and is now awaiting a court sentencing. He could face up to 20 years behind bars.


Suggested By: willkinton247

6.) The Dale Car Hoax


The unforgettable story of a life changing car that was never to be, a murder, and a transgender woman founder that just wouldn’t give up. Jason Torchinsky tells the story best.

Suggested By: DennyCraneDennyCraneDennyCrane, Photo Credit: via Jalopnik

5.) The Michiganian Misfiring Masturbator


If you have plans to become an elected government official of any kind, you should probably steer clear of all things embarrassing and any habits that might make you look bad. Maybe he didn’t have the governmental plans in mind at the time, but either way, former Michigan Legislature candidate Jordan D. Haskins really um, yanked himself over with this one.

Over the course of several years, Haskins was recorded by police on multiple occasions breaking into municipal vehicles like police cars and mosquito control trucks parked on both private and public properties, pulling spark plugs, and masturbating inside the cabin to the sound of the cranking engines. A fetish appropriately named “cranking.”

What. The. Fuck.


Suggested By: Zoom, Photo Credit: Facebook via Gawker

4.) The Car Defecator Of Akron, Ohio

Strange is a man that spends his early mornings dropping his own feces all over cars throughout a town. And not just a few cars, at least 19 cars. That can’t be healthy-for the weirdo or for the cars.


Suggested By: mxer1

3.) San Diego Tank Tour Of Destruction

Before the Grand Theft Auto video game series even existed, Shawn Nelson, a plumber and U.S. Army veteran living in San Diego, California totally had that five-star wanted level on lock.


Before being shot and killed by a San Diego police officer, Nelson used his prior military experience to steal a tank from a local Nation Guard base. He then used the tank to torment various San Diego neighborhoods and lead police on a 25 minute or so low-speed pursuit. The real-life Grand Theft Auto incident had a sad ending.

Suggested By: ocbrad1

2.) Guy Fieri Lamborghini Heist

What I really appreciate from this strange heist is the sincere amount of effort and skill that was used for the initial abduction of the Lamborghini. Reader willkinton247 can explain.

16 year old does a drive by on a pickup truck that his girlfriend and another guy were in and no one gets hurt, but the investigation led the police to a storage space where they found Guy Fieri’s missing Lamborghini.

That Lamborghini was stolen from a dealership when the teen climbed on the roof, rappelled down into the dealership, unlocked the garage door and drove off, with plans to sell it. Because you can sell a Lamborghini that has been stolen.

The story features a daring heist, crazed romantic vengeance, a celebrity we all love to hate, an absolute idiot kid, and the fact that they didn’t find out who did it until the kid did something else stupid, totally unrelated to the other crime.

That kid actually got life in prison.


Suggested By: willkinton247

1.) The Ferrari Dino Buried In The Yard

A slightly more elaborate insurance fraud scheme than that whole Bugatti into lake mess led to this 1974 Ferrari Dino 246 GTS being buried and hidden for nearly four years. After being found and dug up in 1978, it was restored and turned back to its former glory.


Back in 2012, we did a thorough investigation of this whole mess and finally brought the whole case to light.

Suggested By: My X-type is too a real Jaguar

Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day’s Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It’s by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!


Top Photo Credit: RipOnYou247 via YouTube