If you absolutely must commit an automotive crime, don’t be a complete and total dunce doing it like these idiots.
A good place to take a car you’ve just stolen is to a workshop where you can strip it to sell for parts, or perhaps a port where you can put it on a boat to be sold illegally in another country. This is what many car thieves (unfortunately) do.
A bad place to take a car you’ve just stolen is a police station where you’re going to pick up your things from an unrelated arrest just a few days earlier.
Why do I have to explain this?
There’s a reason why the most stolen vehicles in America are all very popular, innocuous cars like the Honda Accord. The likelihood you’ll get caught driving one of these is much slimmer, and there’s a huge market for parts.
That’s why the jerk who stole a black DeLorean with only 636 miles and tried to sell it on Craigslist is an utter moron. We even called it one of the worst cars to steal. It wasn’t hard for a couple of smart Jalopnik readers to put two and two together and help return the car to it’s rightful owner.
How does that John Lennon song go again? I’m fairly certain it wasn’t written about this guy specifically, but it might as well have been.
The perp tried to break into a pub owner’s Mercedes, but the brick bounced back and knocked him out cold. The best part is that the owner came out, saw the guy lying in a pool of his own blood and tried to help him, when the idiot tried to blackmail him for cab fare.
Suggested By: $kaycog
In keeping with the theme of number 10 on this list, lets talk about more places you shouldn’t bring the car you’ve just stolen. The dealership you just stole it from yesterday is probably not an ideal place.
A Woman from Florida (of course it’s Florida) brought the Cadillac SRX back to the used car dealer she stole it from because the key fob was broken. The dealer called the police while she waited, and she was promptly arrested.
Driving tests are scary, and you might be tempted to have a drink or two (or seven) to take the edge off, but this is an incredibly stupid thing to do and why do I even need to explain this?
Oh, because a German dude actually did this. The examiner directed him to a police station, which while funny, seems like a pretty damn irresponsible thing to do in and of itself.
Suggested By: PatBateman, Photo Credit: Getty Images
Maybe this is a bit of a stretch here, but you probably shouldn’t be lighting up while your stealing gas from someones car. Probably.
A man did just that, and set his Eclipse and himself on fire. Then for some reason he tries to drive away, car (and presumably self) still on fire. And this isn’t the only time this has happened.
Suggested By: Moves-Like-Senna
If you’re going to commit insurance fraud, maybe don’t do it in broad daylight in a freaking Bugatti Veyron. If you drive a car like that, assume that you’re on camera all the time.
Apparently, criminals haven’t received the memo that the best crimes are inconspicuous. For the record, driving a Veryon into a lagoon for insurance money is pretty conspicuous.
Suggested By: Ghoulardi
In 1896, not many people owned cars, not many people knew how to operate cars, and you couldn’t travel too far or too quickly in cars. This makes the first ever car theft, in which one Baron de Zulyen had his Peugeot stolen by his mechanic particularly perplexing.
The mechanic and car were found in a town nearby, as to be expected.
Suggested By: Jonee, Photo Credit: Getty Images
What did I say about stealing something inconspicuous? A NASCAR stock car isn’t exactly that.
That didn’t stop thieves from stealing one parked in a trailer from a hotel parking lot. It was recovered in the suburbs of Atlanta probably because the thieves realized “what the hell are we going to do with a distinctive, non street legal race car?”
Don’t fuck with Jalopnik.
Our beloved Jason Torchinsky had his beloved 1973 Beetle stolen out from the front of his home, and our spectacular readers helped him get it back. The cops said it’d be impossible to be found, but we got it.
Once again, don’t fuck with Jalopnik.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day - our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day’s Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It’s by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
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