The ten best Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson lines... in the world

Illustration for article titled The ten best Top Gear Jeremy Clarkson lines... in the world

He might not be as fast as Tanner Foust or as handsome as John Hamm, but he got you and your mom and your mom's mom to start talking about cars. Here are what Jalopnik readers consider to be Clarkson's ten best lines from Top Gear... in the world.


Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!

10.) Clarkson on ride comfort

Suggested By: Irishzombieman

Why it's brilliant: "Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what…being stabbed?" Clarkson pulls no punches. We love him for that.

9.) Clarkson on Truck Drivers

Suggested By: Jimal

Why it's brilliant:"It's a hard job. Change gear, change gear, change gear, check your mirrors, murder a prostitute, change gear, change gear, murder. That's a lot of effort in a day." Clarkson assails an entire industry while, simultaneously, making any truck drivers with a sense of humor laugh.

8.) Clarkson on Lamborghinis

Suggested By: Corz

Why it's brilliant: "And it's got air-conditioning, which unlike the air-conditioning systems in Lambos of old it isn't like being puffed on by a mouse." Most car reviewers would shy away from even talking about such trifling things, but Clarkson uses it to make a greater point about what it means to be a Lamborghini.

7.) Clarkson on homologation specials

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it's brilliant: "Racing cars which have been converted for road use never really work. It's like making a hardcore adult film, and then editing it so that it can be shown in British hotels. You'd just end up with a sort of half hour close up of some bloke's sweaty face." Clarkson's love for super cars is only topped by his love for making sexual references.

6.) Clarkson on manufacturer testing

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it's brilliant: "In the olden days I always got the impression that TVR built a car, put it on sale, and then found out how it handled. Usually when one of their customers wrote to the factory complaining about how dead he was." He means that as a compliment.

Photo Credit: Hannah Johnston/Getty Images

5.) Clarkson on handling

Suggested By: rawtoast

Why it's brilliant: "Driving most supercars is like trying to man-handle a cow up a back staircase. But this is like smearing honey into Keira Knightley." Clarkson on the R8 — when he loves a car, he lets you know.

Photo Credit: Mike Flokis/Getty Images

4.) Clarkson on male bonding

Suggested By: Jackie

Why it's brilliant: "I'm going to change gear now, this will involve man-touching." Sometimes, the best parts of Top Gear are when it's just about guys being guys.

3.) Clarkson on the joys of open-air motoring

Suggested By: AJ Supera

Why it's brilliant: "My epiglottis is full of bees!" Clarkson may have really gotten Top Gear going with his early review of the Ariel Atom, and it was lines like this, and, well, whatever flapping noise his face was making in the wind that got the world hooked.

2.) Clarkson on the inferiority of FWD

Suggested By: CobraJoe

Why it's brilliant: "Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling more than 170hp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling... penguins... while making love... to a beautiful woman while on fire, on stage... in front of the Queen. It's all going to go wrong." Most people would have just called it "wrong-wheel drive."

1.) Clarkson on politics

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it's brilliant: "Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary...That's what gets you." And now ends the reading.


Fantastic list! I watched the Truck episode last week, and the whole "Change gear change gear change gear check the mirrors murder a prositute" thing absolutely slayed me, as it always does.

Clarkson, you're the man.