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The Rolls-Royce Fabergé Egg Is the Perfect Motivation to Stop Being Poor

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Life has been so boring lately. All anyone wants to whine about is the widening gap between the rich and the poor. Which, the bigger the gap the better because it’s good to be as far away from them as possible. Look me in my black eyes and tell me I’m wrong. Luckily, Rolls-Royce crafted me a birthday present to pick my spirits up.

Okay, so, my birthday isn’t actually in October, but when you have this much champagne and caviar just lying around, every day can feel like your birthday. You should try it sometime.


And I have been drinking a lot of the stuff as of late—it’s replaced water altogether since July—because every morning I wake up the sounds of the locals shouting for things like “food” and “shelter” and “rights.” Like, Jesus Christ, just get a fucking job already! I’ve been told those solve all the problems.

Rolls-Royce, ever thinking about how to make life just a little bit grander, offered me a small token of their appreciation of my repeated business over the years: A Spirit of Ecstasy Fabergé Egg. Isn’t it wonderful?


The base is made from an “engine-turned” and “hand-engraved” purple enamel guilloché of 18 karat white gold (not platinum but I can live with it). Rose gold arms extend elegantly upward, forming an egg-shaped cage around the sculpted Spirit of Ecstasy figurine. Additionally:

The rose gold vanes, embellished with nearly 10 carats of round white diamonds, resolve into swathes of natural amethyst weighing over 390 carats, specially selected for its colour saturation and quality. The purple hue of the enamel and amethyst provide a playful nod to the use of colour found in Fabergé’s heritage.

I have to tell you, I’ve always wanted one of these eggs. Sure, the same amount of money could have gone to feed an entire nation of starving children for a day, but I know from that sing-song saying about the fish that it’s better to teach than to give. And what better way could I teach than by setting an example of what you could be if you just got off your ass and worked a little harder?

The egg is currently sitting in my study, which is in a tower room of my château. When the afternoon sun hits it just right, its sparkle can be seen past the gardens, the estate, the winery, the stone wall and the barbed-wire fence—all the way down in the village, where the bellyaching is strongest. I truly hope they find inspiration in it.


The egg. The egg is the only thing that I love. Nothing bad ever happens to the holders of these eggs.